24 weeks 2 days.

Not like I haven't been counting or anything like that...

So I am feeling so much better about everything this week. Most importantly, I have stopped bleeding. That is a big relief. Many other things are going on to make me feel much better about everything. First of all, I am seeing my high risk OB twice a week now instead of just once. I get two ultrasounds every week now to monitor baby and fluid levels. More of a way to do outpatient care rather than to be admitted to the hospital this early. It looks like I will be home for Christmas unless anything else crazy happens. I have my outpatient appointments set up through the end of December!

I got both of my steroid shots this week. So Ryleigh's lungs should be bulking up in no time!! 24 weeeks is the magic number for viablility and generally when steroids are given to help baby mature faster. Only one drawback this week is that I am leaking a ton more fluid than I have before. I used to go for 3 or 4 days without any leaking and then when I did, it would just be a very small spot or two. Now I am soaked during the night and sometimes in the day too. Every day. On Tuesday's scan my AFI was 4.6 so that is still good for me but I am anxious to see what it is going to be tomorrow. I'm not really worried just because I can still feel her moving around quite a bit and since she is getting bigger, she is making a lot more fluid too. They estimated her weight this week at a whopping 1.5 pounds!!

On a side note, I have taken up crochet and just finished my first baby blanket for Ryleigh. I had planned on doing it while I was in the hospital but got a start on it and went to town. I have some ribbon to add yet but wanted to wash it first. Here is a little look at it.

I had a really good model to help demonstrate my work :)

23 weeks, 6 days! - week from he**

Wow! What a week this has been. Usually I post right after my doctor's appointments on Tuesdays but this week has not gone so well.

Tuesday, I had a terrific appointment at both doctors. I had an AFI of 4.9 when 8 is the bottom of the normal range. Now it doesn't sound like much, but that is the most fluid I have had yet!! I was so excited and Dr. Grant said he would not put me in the hospital at 24 weeks. He definitely wanted to wait probably a couple more weeks. This would put me through the Christmas holiday!! Christmas at home, WOO HOO!! Tuesday afternoon, I came home and had a very small leak. No big deal for me, it happens usually after an appointment just because I've been up and around and ultrasound probe poking on my belly. Well, the fluid was a little different color, darker, almost orange. I know, TMI but to me, that meant maybe blood. I called the doctor back and he told me to keep an eye on it until Thursday. He was out of the office Wed. I called Dr. Moreton just to make him aware too. Well, Wed. eve. I started spotting blood. Ok, so I am keeping an eye on it, right? Wed. morning, I am now bleeding pretty heavy or what seemed heavy to me. More than I care to notice. I call the doctor's office again and they are still not extremely concerned and want me to keep an eye on it all day. I bled all day Wed. off and on. Thursday morning I am still bleeding. I call back and he wants me to come in. Another ultrasound shows everything is still fine and exactly where it should be. Thank GOD above! So he tells me to go home and basically not move, which I did.

Meanwhile (oh, it gets better) Dwaine starts to get the remains of Ethan's crud that he had last week and very quickly starts to deteriorate. This happens Tuesday after my wonderful appointment. Needless to say, everything went to hell in a hand basket fast. Dwaine had to go to urgent care Tues. eve. Got an antibiotic for whatever crud he has going on. Wed., he felt worse and went to his doctor for more medicine. Thursday he starts puking and whatever else goes on with the stomach flu not to mention his respiratory issues and coughing up nasty stuff. Thursday he felt so bad, he could not even take me to the doctor. David took him back to the doctor Thursday afternoon and they gave him IV fluids and something for nausea. He started to feel much better.

Meanwhile, (oh, I'm still not finished) Ethan cannot get over his cold. He feels like crap too! Dwaine took him to the doctor on Friday again and he had a double ear infection and a sinus infection. Between the three of us, I thought about just calling in hospice and assuming we were all done for! David and Ryan were here with us Wednesday and Thursday to help try to nurse us all back to health and help with Ethan.

It's the weekend now and I think we are all turning the corner. Dwaine is feeling much better and so is Ethan. My bleeding has pretty much stopped but I am leaking more fluid than I normally do. I'm not really too worried about that, though. I hit the 24 week mark tomorrow. I should get steroids sometime very soon and this means also that Ryleigh has reached a point where she can definitely live outside if she had to. Everyday I can stay pregnant and infection free add a huge benefit to her at this point. So we have hit a big milestone.

Things are looking up and with God's grace, we made it through. It could have been much worse so I am just glad it wasn't and that we are all doing better!

23 weeks! and some random thoughts

Well, today I am 23 weeks. 7 more weeks and Ryleigh will be here and hopefully healthy and strong. I am starting to actually look forward to Christmas especially since I may not be in the hospital yet. I have bought some gifts online and have a few home made gifts to give this year. I have at least had time to get ready for Christmas as best as I can anyway. I never have this kind of time to get ready. I love the cold weather. I hope we get to start up the fireplace soon.

Ethan has been a very sick boy. Just a virus, I'm sure but he has been miserable and not sleeping well at night. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't feel well. Dwaine has been twice as busy taking care of Ethan since he requires so much more attention and has had to make a trip to the doctor and take another day off work since he has been sick. Now Dwaine is sick too. So he has to do everything while HE doesn't feel well either. I am praying I don't get sick. I don't want anything to happen to this baby and getting sick would not be a good thing.

A couple of things I am very grateful for this week. The lady who has been cleaning my house came today and that is such a huge help and it really does make me feel better to have a nice sparkly house! I love that! I love it even more since I didn't have to do it. And she does a really good job. I am thankful for Dwaine's kids who have also been a huge help during all of this. They are so great! Carrie is going out of her way to come and see us over Christmas since we can't go to Oklahoma this year. David has been doing some babysitting for us as has Ryan. And, David goes and brings lunch home sometimes too. Ryan has been a huge help with chores like cleaning and vacuuming and making sure the trash gets taken out. He has also been babysitting a lot too. Mostly so I can get to my doctor's appointments.

Dwaine and I have decided that for Christmas, instead of getting gifts for each other, we would hire someone to have our bedroom painted. It is the last room of the house that hasn't been painted. It needs it bad and has for a long time! He is coming tomorrow to paint and it should be back to normal later this week! I am so excited!

During this time of crisis and anxiety, I have found many things to thank God for. He has really been faithful to me and it seems like you never realize that until something sets you back. Even though this has not been a pleasant experience/pregnancy, God has been there with us the whole time and even through my lack of trust in Him, he has so far proven me very wrong. I can trust and it's OK. Whatever happens, He has taken care of us and always will. I have nothing to worry about.

22 weeks + 3 days

Dr. visit update....

Well, apparently I have been accumulating more fluid lately which is great news! Ryleigh is still doing very well and doing everything she is supposed to be doing. Good girl! She is practicing breathing and swallowing, she has a full stomach and bladder. There is more fluid around her chest and belly which gives her lungs more room to expand and try to breathe. These are all very good things. My fluid levels went up to 26 and 12 this week. So everything is looking good! Now for the best part. Drum roll, please....


He told me if I keep doing this well and the baby stays stable, he might postpone my hospital admission a couple more weeks!! That means, I may get to spend Christmas at home! I will still have to spend several weeks in the hospital but after Christmas, I really don't care. He said that one risk of going into the hospital is that when they monitor me twice a day, if they see any type of deceleration in the heartbeat, they will probably automatically whisk me away to surgery before the baby is ready. He said a deceleration is normal once in awhile but if they see it on a monitor, they have to act on it and that means maybe jumping the gun on the delivery. So, if I don't have any problems, no cramping or bleeding or pain, they just may leave me where I am and leave well enough alone for a couple more weeks.

My uncle has been having a rough time but apparently he is doing a bit better these last few days. Thanks for prayers from everyone who has been praying for him. Not sure how long he will have to be in the hospital but they changed a few of his meds. and it sounds like he is doing a little better. So that is another blessing.

Ethan has come down with a cold. He had to have another flu shot the other day and it always seems that a couple of days after the flu shot he always gets just a little bit of a cold. My friends came over last weekend and put up a small Christmas tree for us. Getting our big monster tree out this year is just not practical. So we left it stored away for next year. Ethan loves the Christmas tree. He wants us to turn the lights on every morning when he gets up. He loves to look carefully at the ornaments on it and touch them. He is gentle though, he doesn't try to take them off. I think he will have a fun Christmas this year. Next year will be even better and I am going to go all out next year!

22 weeks and venting again...

Just after Thanksgiving and I don't want to appear ungrateful. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for so many things right now. Here are a few, for example. First, I am thankful that I am still pregnant. I think all of my doctors are too because they both said so. It is a miracle in itself that this is even possible. Generally 9 out of 10 cases of women whose membranes rupture, usually all end in the loss of their pregnancy. So I am indeed thankful that I am one of the lucky ones that has made it this far. The next thing I have to be thankful for is that I am 22 weeks along this journey today. 22 weeks is a magic number because Ryleigh is on the brink of viability (for lack of a better term). There are some known cases of babies who have survived being born at 22 weeks. Every day after this is a huge blessing. When we get to 24 weeks, chances are even better for us. I have so many other blessings in my life that there are just too many to mention. I could literally, go on forever.

Now the reason I am so angry today. My uncle Jim who lives in Quincy is very sick and it is not looking good right now that he will make it. He had a stroke a few weeks ago and has now developed pneumonia. He is back in ICU and there has apparently been discussions of putting him on a ventilator. Basically, this means life support. Now, I am really close to my aunt and uncle. They are my mom's only living relatives that I know. So basically they have, in a way, taken some role as parents to me. I want to be at home right now to be there for him. I am stuck on this stupid couch and cannot go anywhere. If something bad happens, how can I get home? It would require me travelling 2 hours to Quincy which I am sure my doctors would frown upon with good reason and if something happened to me while I am at home, there is no hospital there that could take care of me or Ryleigh. So this really sucks and once again, I am feeling very helpless. I want to go home but for the sake of my baby, I can't. Now, I know that everyone says that God never gives you more than you can handle. But come on, really??? What impeccable timing God has here. Can't we just please have one crisis at a time??? Excuse me if I am a little angry right now but I just can't seem to help it.

21 weeks + 1 day - today's doctor appointment

Today has been a very good day. Let me throw a few technical terms out there first.

First and largest SVP 26 mm!!!!!!!! Crazy good!! Second smaller SVP 12 mm!! Very good too considering anything above 10 is awesome! That is by far the most fluid the baby has had since this whole nightmare began!!

Second and most important. While my wonderful girl, whose name I am not sure of yet but will find out soon, was scanning me this morning we actually watched the baby's chest moving. Know what that means, folks?? She is practicing breathing!! Apparently something that is unheard of at 21 weeks. Normally she said that they don't see that until around 28 weeks. My child is an overachiever already!! What a good girl! Way to go, Ryleigh!! She was also doing some sort of swimming/dance routine in there. Moving around like crazy! Also another excellent sign. So as of now, her chest is not squished and she is able to change positions. Right now both doctors are saying that for her living conditions, she is behaving like a perfectly normal baby! Can you understand how that makes me feel?!?! I wish I could go to the doctor for a scan every day. I think it would give me a little more piece of mind :) Dr. Grant is hoping that I make it to 30 weeks which makes me feel a whole lot better than 28 weeks. We will just have to play it by ear and once we hit 28 weeks, we will see how she is doing. I would like to keep her baking as long as possible. 3 more weeks until I go into the hospital. 9 more weeks and hopefully this whole ordeal will be over and we will have a healthy baby.

Now since I have neglected mentioning Ethan lately, here are some cute and funny things he has been saying and doing.

Last week he tells me "Mommy, I tired. I need coppee (aka coffee)" Today he says "Kelley, zip it". Sure he heard that from daddy. I asked him where baby Ryleigh is. He says "Wiley in mommy's tummy", Wiley in Etan tummy", or "Wiley in daddy's tummy". As he was acting up one day, I asked him if he wanted to go to time out. He says "yes, mommy, I go time out". Guess I will need to come up with something new for time out. He is still the cutest little boy on the planet and I cannot wait until I can pick him up and just squeeze the love right out of him! Can't wait!

21 weeks today!! WOO HOO!!

Today is Monday which means that I have survived another weekend. Oh, how I used to look forward to weekends. Time off from work, time to spend doing fun things with family and especially Ethan. Looking forward to hearing what others did with their time off. Now, I hate the weekends. I actually dread them. I look forward to Monday when I can say that I am another week farther along in this hellish pregnancy. I know every woman on bedrest can relate to this.

This weekend for whatever reason, was by far the worst. I hate being stuck in here when everyone else is outside or doing family things. I miss the holiday parades, getting ready for Thanksgiving, putting up Christmas decorations and I hear everyone else talking about it. It feels like people are being rude or something by telling me those things. Now, I know that is not the case because obviously, I loved to tell people how much I accomplished over the weekends and the fun things that we did with Ethan, etc. So I did it too. It just makes me jealous, I guess. I am sitting here on the couch, trying to save my baby and feeling selfish that I don't want to be stuck here. So there were a lot of mixed emotions going on this weekend. I think the closer the holidays get, the worse it may become. I am also not looking forward to spending 4 weeks worth of nights away from my son. I have never been away from him overnight and now I have to do it for 4 weeks??? That is almost asking too much. Well, it is asking too much.

Last night, I had a reprieve, though. My husband who has been feeling bad for me all weekend, took me for a ride in the car last night. I wasn't exerting myself, just sitting back enjoying the ride with my window open and Ethan chattering in the back seat. I LOVED THAT!! Next we decided to stop and pick up some dinner to take home. It just so happened that we drove by our church which I haven't set foot in for 6 weeks. He pulled into the driveway and asked if I wanted to go in and just sit for a little bit. Well, of course I did. So as the tears welled up, I made my way inside and just sat there and soaked up every moment. Then we all went into the Blessed Sacrament Chapel and prayed together. For a moment, I had gone to heaven.

By the time we got home it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of me even for just a moment. Bless my husband for everything he has had to put up with. He is truly a rock for me. I don't know what I would do without him and I am positive that if this had happened in my first marriage, the baby probably would not have survived and neither would I. I would have gotten 0% support there.

So for this week of Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for even though I am in this predicament. First, I am thankful that my baby is still alive. Second, I am thankful for the support and strength of my husband and for his strong faith. I am also thankful for my faith which upholds me during this time. Next, I am extremely thankful for my support system beyond my family which includes my friends, my long distance family who do not live here and all of their kind words, deeds and prayers. I am very truly blessed for this Thanksgiving. More so this year than ever before.