Miracles happen...

2011-05-06T18:19:00.003-05:00

Dear friends and family,

This is probably going to be the last post for while, anyway. Ryleigh is doing so well and having two little ones to care for is a full time job in itself so I don't have much time to keep this page updated anymore. Ryleigh is doing so well and she is over 4 months old. 1 month adjusted age. She is starting to smile at us, she can hold her head up and she weighs a whopping 8lbs, 12 oz. That is an even 7lbs since birth! She is very healthy and appears to be a very content baby. (except when she is hungry, then look out!)

Ethan is adjusting well also. He loves her very much and says the cutest things about her and to her as well. My favorite thing he says is "Baby Wiley, your my best fwiend". (his r's are w's) Too cute! He smothers her with hugs and kisses. Sometimes I think it is a little too much love but at least he's not trying to push her down the stairs or anything like that!I will leave you with a video that I made of her journey to this earth and through the NICU. Thank you all for following us, for your prayers and for all of your nice comments. We love all of you very much. If you wish to still keep track of Ryleigh, I am still posting pictures of her on Facebook. Please catch up with us there.

Until we meet again...

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=da2995cf26a453f414a7b0&skin_id=1605&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

We're Home!!

2011-03-18T21:25:00.002-05:00

We brought Ryleigh home on Monday (March 14). She is adjusting well to being home and she is really a pretty good baby. Finally, the rollercoaster madness has come to an end.

I look back and I see 11 1/2 weeks of bedrest, an emergency c-section and then 10 weeks in the NICU. Do I see tragedy? Do I see despair? Is this an experience that I will have nightmares about? The answer is "no". I see this whole experience as a blessing. It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard as hell to go through. But I have always said that a difficult experience is for naught unless you learn something from it. So have I learned anything? You bet! Here's what I've learned....

I have learned that people are not all bad. I was usually a pessimist about the hearts and souls of others. I am ashamed of that. Yes, there are bad people in this world but I am surrounded by people who are anything but bad. Mostly, they are angels. People that I don't even know who offer to help out or do whatever they can to comfort someone in need. It has taught me that I need to be more aware of other people in crisis.

I have learned the value of true miracles. They do exist. Not only do they exist, they happen every day and we need to learn to look for them in the ordinary things of life. There are no coincidences in this life. Only God-incidences. And because of this, I have learned that I must pray more and be more aware of God in my life. He is everywhere! I know that both of my children are miracles by their very creation itself and by the fact that neither one of them were supposed to be on this earth.

I have learned that my daughter is the most amazing person I know. I know how many lives she has touched and how many people she pulled together in prayer and thanksgiving. She is very special and I will never take that for granted. She is a fighter and she knows how much we all love her and want her with us.

So this whole experience, as difficult as it was and as many times as we thought we would lose her, has been a true blessing and shown us the true meaning of what our family means to us.

Miracles really do happen...

2011-02-26T15:15:00.004-06:00

...we are living proof of that. Seems like so much time has gone by since Ryleigh was born. It is hard for me to remember now just how tiny she was. It is hard for me to remember that we almost lost her. I don't think I ever let that thought settle in my mind. I dismissed it. What a long road this has been. But even though it has been long and full of challenges, I do believe we are better for it. I will never take the grace of God for granted again and I will make time to cherish every moment with my family and my children. Even when they act up. It is sometimes hard to take the good with the bad but even the difficult things I will embrace especially when it comes to my kids.

I am starting to feel more like a mommy to Ryleigh. I get to hold her more and now I can feed her and change her and get her out of her crib without cords and wires attached. She is growing every day and we are so blessed and thankful for that.

I have been thinking a lot about the things that have happened in the last 9 months. This is one of those periods in time that changes the rest of your life. I believe the birth of a child is a life altering event in itself but this one has really made some changes in my life. Ryleigh really should not be here on this earth. It was God who allowed her to stay with us. The odds were stacked totally against her but He is the one who let her remain here. It seems as if he wanted to keep her for one of His own angels. I thank Him every day that He left her in our care.

I will now sit back and watch as my children grow together. I hope they will be the best of friends.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T16:28:00.001-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ryleigh weighs 3 lbs!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing else to report. I had a wonderful snuggle this weekend. Actually, I got two. She is such a strong little girl. She is starting to open her eyes and look up toward my voice when I talk to her. We brought her a Valentine Teddy Bear yesterday and we brought all of the nurses chocolate covered strawberries. Ethan handed his Valentine's out to his two favorite buddies. One is the unit secretary and the other is one of Ryleigh's nurses. He really enjoys seeing those people and he really loves his baby sister. Ryleigh has led us to so many wonderful people in the ICU there. We feel as if they are family in a way.

We are doing ok. Dwaine is my rock of support. Without him, I would be a puddle of mush. I am feeling myself spread very thin lately. I am trying to handle everything that comes at me all at the same time. I feel like I haven't had time to really process all of this that is taking place right now. I am extremely grateful for the miracles that have taken place in our lives with Ryleigh so I don't want to sound like I am not truly grateful for all of these things. It is just that I don't have time to even think about what is going on. I want to keep all of these memories in my heart but I feel as if everything is happening around me and I am going in slow motion and all of the other things are getting in the way of the here and now. Trying to juggle my family at home with hospital visits, a pumping schedule, work, paperwork (insurance etc), phone calls, a vehicle in the shop, household duties etc. When I do visit Ryleigh and hold her, I usually am so exhausted that I fall asleep with her in my arms. So I am feeling as if I am trying to be everything to everyone and in the process I am no good to anyone. Not even myself. I am trying to take care of myself too so I don't get sick and so I am not stressed out. Lack of sleep lately has hindered that as well. Just feeling a little overwhelmed. I know Dwaine is too. Both of us can't remember our own names half of the time just because there is so much other stuff cluttering our minds. Prayers are still greatly appreciated. That seems to be the one thing we can count on is the support and prayers from so many of you

A poem I found...

2011-02-11T13:46:00.002-06:00

Dear God, as you look down upon us,
We know that you might have to squint.
We're located here in the NICU
It's the nursery that we rent....

There are many alarms and sirens,
Connected to condos and flats.
The nurses tape our booties on,
And dress us in funny hats.

We have a lot in common;
All of us were in a hurry.
For many different reasons,
Our storks came a little early.

Some of us don't know why
,We bursted out from our bubbles.
We entered into this world,
Never meaning to cause any troubles.

Mommy and Daddy are worried sick
About the odds that we must beat.
Please God, help them to realize,
That seeing us grow is a treat.

Breath by breath, we'll learn to breathe.
Ounce by ounce we'll tip the scale.
We're like a boat in the ocean,
That knows not sink- only sail.

For we are living miracles,
Mommy and Daddy must simply believe,
That you have angels watching over us;
From the time we arrive, till the time we leave.

From the March of Dimes.

January 30

2011-01-30T20:47:00.002-06:00

Ryleigh has been doing so much better since the onset of her tummy infection last week. They are slowly beginning to feed her once again. Hopefully the 3rd time is a charm. She has done very well considering she hasn't eaten in about a week. She has been getting IV nutrition but nothing through her feeding tube. Now they are giving her 1ml per hour continuously. She has done ok so far but it hasn't even been 24 hours yet. Time will tell. Our doctors are so great. They have really been on top of her. If the least little things seems wrong, they are ordering tests to figure out why. I love Boone Hospital. There are some amazing people that work there. The nurses are beginning to be like family. When Ryleigh became sick last week, the nurses were hugging me and trying to comfort me. They really do take a personal interest in all of these little babies. It takes a special person to do that job. We pray for the nurses and doctors every day. They are truly special.

Ryleigh weighs in at 2lb, 1oz!! What a big girl. I held her today for 2 hours. It was heaven! She slept the entire time. The other day while I was holding her, she was awake and I read a book to her. She stayed awake for at least 20 minutes and just seemed as if she were looking at me while I was reading to her. It was so precious. We have had to keep Ethan away from the hospital this week as he has taken another cold. The rest of us are fine so far. Hopefully we won't get sick either. There is a huge snow storm headed our way tomorrow. I am praying that it doesn't keep us away from seeing our baby. I will try to update again tomorrow. There hasn't been too much new to report. That is a good thing! Hopefully she is on the road to recovery and we can't wait until she can come home. She will be one month old on Monday :)

2011-01-23T17:23:00.001-06:00

Well, yesterday was an interesting day to say the least. We started off with another phone call from the hospital. Ryleigh was not tolerating her feedings at all again and they needed to discontinue them until her belly was better. She was full of gas again and unable to breathe well and just not very comfortable. Her heart rate would drop and her oxygen sats would drop also. The bad thing about having to discontinue her feedings is that they would have to try to restart her IV which was taken out a few days ago. In a baby that small, a regular IV doesn't last very long. Their tiny veins can't handle it. That meant that if they discontinued her feedings for as long as they did last weekend, they would have to insert a central line. They don't do that at Boone which meant she would have to be transported over to the university to have that done. Dr. G. wanted to wait until evening to see how her belly did. She also discontinued her cpap which she thought was one of the causes of so much air in her belly. She is on a nasal canula now.

So yesterday afternoon was a waiting game for us. When we went back up to see her last evening, however, her belly was back to normal!! So no trip to the U, and no more cpap, and they started feeding her today continuously instead of a huge bolus all at once. She is getting food at a rate of 4 cc's per hour. She has tolerated this very well!! I think she is so much more comfortable without that cpap in her nose too!Today I got to hold her again for almost an hour. It was so nice today because now I can see her face without all of the machinery attached to her. It is the first time I have seen her face! I saw her for about 2 seconds right after she was born and then they whisked her away but I got to stare at that pretty face for the longest time today. And what a pretty face it is...

Quick post

2011-01-11T09:42:00.002-06:00

Just have a few minutes to post. It is hard to keep up with the Caring Bridge, this, and miscellaneous phone calls. So this one is going to be quick.

Ryleigh is doing fantabulous! She is getting better every day! Chest tubes are gone, she is on cpap breathing room air, and is taking 13 ml. of milk every 4 hours. She is well on her way. Dr. O'Connor says she is starting to put on weight. She graduated from her critical care isolette to a new isolette. I visited with her yesterday and she had her eyes open for a little while. She is starting to squeeze my finger and we get to hold her once every day for at least an hour. Last night was dad's turn. She loves to be held. Her vitals stay nice and even when we hold her and she usually sleeps so sound that she snores.

I am doing better every day. I haven't needed any of my meds for a couple of days now.

We have witnessed so many miracles since Ryleigh has been born. There are too many to count. One miracle is that I was able to keep her as long as I did. Another is that I went into labor when I did. It was during shift change and there were 2 doctors who did my surgery and Dr. O'Connor had just come on after being on vacation. So Ryleigh had a whole team working on her. Dr. O'Connnor is an amazing person. He takes these babies and cares for them as if they were his own. He is always at the hospital. We are so blessed to have such good care from these people.

Another miracle is that Ryleigh was really doing poorly when she was born. She was not getting enough oxygen into her lungs. As soon as they let me hold her, her levels started increasing and she has not had a setback since. Another miracle is that she is doing as well as she is for a baby who weighs less than two pounds. We have experienced so many miracles and we are very grateful for every one of them. I will never take this experience for granted and I will hold it in my heart forever! For as many problems as this pregnancy has had, we have been very blessed to have this experience.

Until later,

Kelley

Happy Birthday, Ryleigh

2011-01-02T20:25:00.003-06:00

The reason I haven't posted any updates about my latest doctor visit is because Ryleigh was born.

Ryleigh Elizabeth Gelnar

born 12/31/10 at 6:18 a.m.

2 lbs. 14 inches long

Here is the story:

Thursday evening, I had some cramping. It wasn't severe and I had a cold so I thought I just didn't feel well and went to bed. Cramping went away but at 2 a.m. it woke me up. The cramps were worse and about 5 minutes apart. I don't know what labor feels like so I wasn't sure if this was it or not. I took Ryleighs heart rate and it was 184. Not good for a girl who usually runs 140-150. I woke Dwaine and told him we needed to either call the hospital or go to the hospital. Next I passed two huge clots and then we knew for sure it was time to go. We called David and he was there to stay with Ethan in about 2 minutes. Thank goodness the boys were around. When I got to the hospital, I was admitted and they did my vitals. My temp. was 102 which meant infection had set in. Knowing that, Ryleigh had to come out NOW! I was admitted around 4:00 and I was on the surgery table at 6:00. Ryleigh was born at 6:18.

She had a pretty rough start. They showed her to me and she was gray. I heard one tiny squeak come from her and then they intubated her and put her on a vent. right away. I was terrified. The time they spent sewing me up seemed like eternity because they had taken her away and I would not get to see her until my spinal wore off. I had no idea how she was. As soon as my spinal did wear off, they transferred me to a wheelchair and took me right down to the NICU. They had spent a lot of time trying to get her oxygen sats. to come up and it wasn't working so we all feared that she would not make it. The doctor seemed pretty grim and they let me hold her since we may not ever get to.

As soon as they gave her to me, her sats went up 10 points. After we left, she went up another 10 points and her blood pressure went up too. Must have been that she needed her mommy and daddy. She has been stable ever since. She had to have two chest tubes because they had to turn the vent up as high as they could to get her lungs inflated and she had some small tears in her lungs. Today, both chest tubes are out and they are talking about taking her from the ventilator and putting her on cpap. She came off one of her meds and all of her blood work and scans have come back normal.

All I can say is GOD IS GOOD! That is who I give all the credit to.

She is stable today and has had a good day today too. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully just as good as this one has been. Please, please keep praying for her, she is so tiny and has a long way to go. Thank you for keeping up with us and thank you for all the prayers. I will close by posting one of her pictures. :)

26 weeks, 1 day! Christmas week

2010-12-28T10:42:00.003-06:00

I never thought I would make it this far! 26 weeks! If Ryleigh were born now, there is an excellent chance she would make it. The end to all of this is actually in sight now. 4 more weeks and we should deliver.

Yesterday's appointment showed my fluid levels to be 5.6!! That is really a great number. I would like for it to get a little higher. I have to honestly say that I have been a little lax on my bedrest. I have been up more than I should be. It is just so hard to watch Dwaine do all of the work and especially if he is not feeling well. We are all sick now with colds. Ethan has another sinus infection, Dwaine and I both have caught a cold. No one is feeling very well. I actually helped with dinner last night. I know I shouldn't do that. It seems like I leak more when I have been on my feet. So this week, I am really going to concentrate on staying on my butt. Last week I started bleeding again. I didn't call in this time because it was no different than last time. I know it isn't normal to bleed but when I told him at my appointment yesterday, he didn't seem too concerned. Just watch it closely. I have been taking my temperature and monitoring the baby's heartbeat twice a day. I love that heart monitor. Also within a week's time, Ryleigh has gone from breech to head down and back to breech again. She obviously has enough fluid to move around like that. If that is the case, she should have plenty of room for her little chest to breathe and there is a huge pocket of fluid around her face so she can breathe it in.

We had a really nice Christmas. I didn't go to mass on Christmas eve like I had hoped to. I started bleeding the day before so I didn't want to risk it. But that's ok because it was still much better than being in the hospital. I should be able to stay home at least until after New Year's. I am hoping he lets me stay home until the end but we'll see. So, Christmas was really nice, the boys ended up spending the night Christmas eve. I was so glad they did. We had our traditional KFC for dinner and then Ethan opened a few gifts. He opened a couple of gifts from mommy and daddy and he really wanted to open David's gift too. He got a drum and xylophone from mom and dad, and a drill and coloring book from David. This was the first year that Santa came to our house. So in the morning, Ethan opened his gifts from Santa. His favorite gifts were "Bud" Lightyear and Woody. We stayed in our jammies all day long and watched TV. Mostly we watched A Christmas Story.

Dwaine got us a new video camera and a bag for all of my camera equipment. The kids are coming back from OK today and we will celebrate once more tomorrow. The kids will open their gifts and Carrie will have to go back on Thursday. She wants to go to my next appointment on Thursday so that will be cool!

We have a lot to be grateful for this Christmas and I know that the New Year will bring us a new baby girl.

25 weeks today and Merry Christmas to me!

2010-12-20T14:09:00.004-06:00

So guess what I got for Christmas today?! Amniotic fluid! Liquid gold! Fluid levels at the low end of being actually NORMAL!! Praise GOD!!

I really can't believe it. So here is how today's report goes. My AFI is 5.7. I haven't had any leaks to speak of for almost a week now. Not that I won't have a big gusher soon but at least for now, things are actually fairly normal. Every day of good fluid is another day of good lung development. Soak it up now, Ryleigh! Speaking of my little peanut, she has flipped around from facing my front to facing my back. She was breathing like a champ during the entire ultrasound and today they measured the ratio of heart to chest cavity. NORMAL!! Lot's of times when there is a prolonged lack of amniotic fluid the chest has no room to expand and the heart will take up the majority of the chest cavity. But, not so here. She has lungs! And a good amount of lung tissue too! Normal lung tissue! My prayer now is that she won't have to be on a ventilator when she is born. I am asking for more and more things along the way, so now I am hoping she won't have to be on a ventilator.

We asked the doctor today if things were going as well as can be expected. He said actually they were better than that. Out of all of the women he has seen this happen to, he said I am in the top 5% for successful outcomes! Talk about winning the lottery!

Yesterday, I had a really crappy day. I'm not sure why, just hormones I guess. I started to feel a bit overwhelmed by the holidays and feeling really lousy about all of the things Dwaine has to do to keep up and then I ask extra things on top of that. He has so much going on right now and I feel so helpless not being able to do anything. I have to talk about my friends, now. I have been blessed with the best people in my life. First of all, if people were not praying for us, we would never be where we are today. Second, I was feeling a little overwhelmed and I know it is my own OCD but I was really wanting my house to be in ship shape condition for Christmas. It is never really dirty or nasty but it hasn't been vaccuumed in over 2 weeks and the floors and whatever else. Now a clean house to me is like a trip to the spa. It feels wonderful!! That's just the way I am. I've gotten better about it but still not completely over it. When I was single, I would vaccuum twice a week and the place was immaculate! Now my house is lived in but not a pig pen by any means. I was really OCD before so I think I have let a little bit of that go. It just feels so nice to not have dog hair stick to my socks. Now to the point. My friends have volunteered to come over this week and take care of all that for me, like Santa's little elves. They are always willing and eager to help out and I don't even have to ask. I only hope to repay them someday.

I have so many other friends who have helped out by either calling or visiting or running errands for me. There are others who have brought countless meals and have kept us well fed. I am grateful to all of these people who have touched our lives. People who have been close to me for years and people whom I have just gotten to know more recently. Also people whom I have never even met in person. People I have met online in a support group. Another woman who has shared her story with me personally who also shared the same doctor and the same problems I do. These people truly care about me and what happens. I am overwhelmed.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you to all of these people. I love all of you and I wish you every blessing in the world. Also know that I keep you all in my prayers daily. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And Ryleigh's too.

24 weeks 2 days.

2010-12-15T10:54:00.003-06:00

Not like I haven't been counting or anything like that...

So I am feeling so much better about everything this week. Most importantly, I have stopped bleeding. That is a big relief. Many other things are going on to make me feel much better about everything. First of all, I am seeing my high risk OB twice a week now instead of just once. I get two ultrasounds every week now to monitor baby and fluid levels. More of a way to do outpatient care rather than to be admitted to the hospital this early. It looks like I will be home for Christmas unless anything else crazy happens. I have my outpatient appointments set up through the end of December!

I got both of my steroid shots this week. So Ryleigh's lungs should be bulking up in no time!! 24 weeeks is the magic number for viablility and generally when steroids are given to help baby mature faster. Only one drawback this week is that I am leaking a ton more fluid than I have before. I used to go for 3 or 4 days without any leaking and then when I did, it would just be a very small spot or two. Now I am soaked during the night and sometimes in the day too. Every day. On Tuesday's scan my AFI was 4.6 so that is still good for me but I am anxious to see what it is going to be tomorrow. I'm not really worried just because I can still feel her moving around quite a bit and since she is getting bigger, she is making a lot more fluid too. They estimated her weight this week at a whopping 1.5 pounds!!

On a side note, I have taken up crochet and just finished my first baby blanket for Ryleigh. I had planned on doing it while I was in the hospital but got a start on it and went to town. I have some ribbon to add yet but wanted to wash it first. Here is a little look at it.

I had a really good model to help demonstrate my work :)

23 weeks, 6 days! - week from he**

2010-12-12T12:22:00.003-06:00

Wow! What a week this has been. Usually I post right after my doctor's appointments on Tuesdays but this week has not gone so well.

Tuesday, I had a terrific appointment at both doctors. I had an AFI of 4.9 when 8 is the bottom of the normal range. Now it doesn't sound like much, but that is the most fluid I have had yet!! I was so excited and Dr. Grant said he would not put me in the hospital at 24 weeks. He definitely wanted to wait probably a couple more weeks. This would put me through the Christmas holiday!! Christmas at home, WOO HOO!! Tuesday afternoon, I came home and had a very small leak. No big deal for me, it happens usually after an appointment just because I've been up and around and ultrasound probe poking on my belly. Well, the fluid was a little different color, darker, almost orange. I know, TMI but to me, that meant maybe blood. I called the doctor back and he told me to keep an eye on it until Thursday. He was out of the office Wed. I called Dr. Moreton just to make him aware too. Well, Wed. eve. I started spotting blood. Ok, so I am keeping an eye on it, right? Wed. morning, I am now bleeding pretty heavy or what seemed heavy to me. More than I care to notice. I call the doctor's office again and they are still not extremely concerned and want me to keep an eye on it all day. I bled all day Wed. off and on. Thursday morning I am still bleeding. I call back and he wants me to come in. Another ultrasound shows everything is still fine and exactly where it should be. Thank GOD above! So he tells me to go home and basically not move, which I did.

Meanwhile (oh, it gets better) Dwaine starts to get the remains of Ethan's crud that he had last week and very quickly starts to deteriorate. This happens Tuesday after my wonderful appointment. Needless to say, everything went to hell in a hand basket fast. Dwaine had to go to urgent care Tues. eve. Got an antibiotic for whatever crud he has going on. Wed., he felt worse and went to his doctor for more medicine. Thursday he starts puking and whatever else goes on with the stomach flu not to mention his respiratory issues and coughing up nasty stuff. Thursday he felt so bad, he could not even take me to the doctor. David took him back to the doctor Thursday afternoon and they gave him IV fluids and something for nausea. He started to feel much better.

Meanwhile, (oh, I'm still not finished) Ethan cannot get over his cold. He feels like crap too! Dwaine took him to the doctor on Friday again and he had a double ear infection and a sinus infection. Between the three of us, I thought about just calling in hospice and assuming we were all done for! David and Ryan were here with us Wednesday and Thursday to help try to nurse us all back to health and help with Ethan.

It's the weekend now and I think we are all turning the corner. Dwaine is feeling much better and so is Ethan. My bleeding has pretty much stopped but I am leaking more fluid than I normally do. I'm not really too worried about that, though. I hit the 24 week mark tomorrow. I should get steroids sometime very soon and this means also that Ryleigh has reached a point where she can definitely live outside if she had to. Everyday I can stay pregnant and infection free add a huge benefit to her at this point. So we have hit a big milestone.

Things are looking up and with God's grace, we made it through. It could have been much worse so I am just glad it wasn't and that we are all doing better!

23 weeks! and some random thoughts

2010-12-06T10:29:00.003-06:00

Well, today I am 23 weeks. 7 more weeks and Ryleigh will be here and hopefully healthy and strong. I am starting to actually look forward to Christmas especially since I may not be in the hospital yet. I have bought some gifts online and have a few home made gifts to give this year. I have at least had time to get ready for Christmas as best as I can anyway. I never have this kind of time to get ready. I love the cold weather. I hope we get to start up the fireplace soon.

Ethan has been a very sick boy. Just a virus, I'm sure but he has been miserable and not sleeping well at night. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't feel well. Dwaine has been twice as busy taking care of Ethan since he requires so much more attention and has had to make a trip to the doctor and take another day off work since he has been sick. Now Dwaine is sick too. So he has to do everything while HE doesn't feel well either. I am praying I don't get sick. I don't want anything to happen to this baby and getting sick would not be a good thing.

A couple of things I am very grateful for this week. The lady who has been cleaning my house came today and that is such a huge help and it really does make me feel better to have a nice sparkly house! I love that! I love it even more since I didn't have to do it. And she does a really good job. I am thankful for Dwaine's kids who have also been a huge help during all of this. They are so great! Carrie is going out of her way to come and see us over Christmas since we can't go to Oklahoma this year. David has been doing some babysitting for us as has Ryan. And, David goes and brings lunch home sometimes too. Ryan has been a huge help with chores like cleaning and vacuuming and making sure the trash gets taken out. He has also been babysitting a lot too. Mostly so I can get to my doctor's appointments.

Dwaine and I have decided that for Christmas, instead of getting gifts for each other, we would hire someone to have our bedroom painted. It is the last room of the house that hasn't been painted. It needs it bad and has for a long time! He is coming tomorrow to paint and it should be back to normal later this week! I am so excited!

During this time of crisis and anxiety, I have found many things to thank God for. He has really been faithful to me and it seems like you never realize that until something sets you back. Even though this has not been a pleasant experience/pregnancy, God has been there with us the whole time and even through my lack of trust in Him, he has so far proven me very wrong. I can trust and it's OK. Whatever happens, He has taken care of us and always will. I have nothing to worry about.

22 weeks + 3 days

2010-12-02T13:07:00.003-06:00

Dr. visit update....

Well, apparently I have been accumulating more fluid lately which is great news! Ryleigh is still doing very well and doing everything she is supposed to be doing. Good girl! She is practicing breathing and swallowing, she has a full stomach and bladder. There is more fluid around her chest and belly which gives her lungs more room to expand and try to breathe. These are all very good things. My fluid levels went up to 26 and 12 this week. So everything is looking good! Now for the best part. Drum roll, please....

He told me if I keep doing this well and the baby stays stable, he might postpone my hospital admission a couple more weeks!! That means, I may get to spend Christmas at home! I will still have to spend several weeks in the hospital but after Christmas, I really don't care. He said that one risk of going into the hospital is that when they monitor me twice a day, if they see any type of deceleration in the heartbeat, they will probably automatically whisk me away to surgery before the baby is ready. He said a deceleration is normal once in awhile but if they see it on a monitor, they have to act on it and that means maybe jumping the gun on the delivery. So, if I don't have any problems, no cramping or bleeding or pain, they just may leave me where I am and leave well enough alone for a couple more weeks.

My uncle has been having a rough time but apparently he is doing a bit better these last few days. Thanks for prayers from everyone who has been praying for him. Not sure how long he will have to be in the hospital but they changed a few of his meds. and it sounds like he is doing a little better. So that is another blessing.

Ethan has come down with a cold. He had to have another flu shot the other day and it always seems that a couple of days after the flu shot he always gets just a little bit of a cold. My friends came over last weekend and put up a small Christmas tree for us. Getting our big monster tree out this year is just not practical. So we left it stored away for next year. Ethan loves the Christmas tree. He wants us to turn the lights on every morning when he gets up. He loves to look carefully at the ornaments on it and touch them. He is gentle though, he doesn't try to take them off. I think he will have a fun Christmas this year. Next year will be even better and I am going to go all out next year!

22 weeks and venting again...

2010-11-29T15:14:00.002-06:00

Just after Thanksgiving and I don't want to appear ungrateful. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for so many things right now. Here are a few, for example. First, I am thankful that I am still pregnant. I think all of my doctors are too because they both said so. It is a miracle in itself that this is even possible. Generally 9 out of 10 cases of women whose membranes rupture, usually all end in the loss of their pregnancy. So I am indeed thankful that I am one of the lucky ones that has made it this far. The next thing I have to be thankful for is that I am 22 weeks along this journey today. 22 weeks is a magic number because Ryleigh is on the brink of viability (for lack of a better term). There are some known cases of babies who have survived being born at 22 weeks. Every day after this is a huge blessing. When we get to 24 weeks, chances are even better for us. I have so many other blessings in my life that there are just too many to mention. I could literally, go on forever.

Now the reason I am so angry today. My uncle Jim who lives in Quincy is very sick and it is not looking good right now that he will make it. He had a stroke a few weeks ago and has now developed pneumonia. He is back in ICU and there has apparently been discussions of putting him on a ventilator. Basically, this means life support. Now, I am really close to my aunt and uncle. They are my mom's only living relatives that I know. So basically they have, in a way, taken some role as parents to me. I want to be at home right now to be there for him. I am stuck on this stupid couch and cannot go anywhere. If something bad happens, how can I get home? It would require me travelling 2 hours to Quincy which I am sure my doctors would frown upon with good reason and if something happened to me while I am at home, there is no hospital there that could take care of me or Ryleigh. So this really sucks and once again, I am feeling very helpless. I want to go home but for the sake of my baby, I can't. Now, I know that everyone says that God never gives you more than you can handle. But come on, really??? What impeccable timing God has here. Can't we just please have one crisis at a time??? Excuse me if I am a little angry right now but I just can't seem to help it.

21 weeks + 1 day - today's doctor appointment

2010-11-23T14:12:00.002-06:00

Today has been a very good day. Let me throw a few technical terms out there first.

First and largest SVP 26 mm!!!!!!!! Crazy good!! Second smaller SVP 12 mm!! Very good too considering anything above 10 is awesome! That is by far the most fluid the baby has had since this whole nightmare began!!

Second and most important. While my wonderful girl, whose name I am not sure of yet but will find out soon, was scanning me this morning we actually watched the baby's chest moving. Know what that means, folks?? She is practicing breathing!! Apparently something that is unheard of at 21 weeks. Normally she said that they don't see that until around 28 weeks. My child is an overachiever already!! What a good girl! Way to go, Ryleigh!! She was also doing some sort of swimming/dance routine in there. Moving around like crazy! Also another excellent sign. So as of now, her chest is not squished and she is able to change positions. Right now both doctors are saying that for her living conditions, she is behaving like a perfectly normal baby! Can you understand how that makes me feel?!?! I wish I could go to the doctor for a scan every day. I think it would give me a little more piece of mind :) Dr. Grant is hoping that I make it to 30 weeks which makes me feel a whole lot better than 28 weeks. We will just have to play it by ear and once we hit 28 weeks, we will see how she is doing. I would like to keep her baking as long as possible. 3 more weeks until I go into the hospital. 9 more weeks and hopefully this whole ordeal will be over and we will have a healthy baby.

Now since I have neglected mentioning Ethan lately, here are some cute and funny things he has been saying and doing.

Last week he tells me "Mommy, I tired. I need coppee (aka coffee)" Today he says "Kelley, zip it". Sure he heard that from daddy. I asked him where baby Ryleigh is. He says "Wiley in mommy's tummy", Wiley in Etan tummy", or "Wiley in daddy's tummy". As he was acting up one day, I asked him if he wanted to go to time out. He says "yes, mommy, I go time out". Guess I will need to come up with something new for time out. He is still the cutest little boy on the planet and I cannot wait until I can pick him up and just squeeze the love right out of him! Can't wait!

21 weeks today!! WOO HOO!!

2010-11-22T11:43:00.002-06:00

Today is Monday which means that I have survived another weekend. Oh, how I used to look forward to weekends. Time off from work, time to spend doing fun things with family and especially Ethan. Looking forward to hearing what others did with their time off. Now, I hate the weekends. I actually dread them. I look forward to Monday when I can say that I am another week farther along in this hellish pregnancy. I know every woman on bedrest can relate to this.

This weekend for whatever reason, was by far the worst. I hate being stuck in here when everyone else is outside or doing family things. I miss the holiday parades, getting ready for Thanksgiving, putting up Christmas decorations and I hear everyone else talking about it. It feels like people are being rude or something by telling me those things. Now, I know that is not the case because obviously, I loved to tell people how much I accomplished over the weekends and the fun things that we did with Ethan, etc. So I did it too. It just makes me jealous, I guess. I am sitting here on the couch, trying to save my baby and feeling selfish that I don't want to be stuck here. So there were a lot of mixed emotions going on this weekend. I think the closer the holidays get, the worse it may become. I am also not looking forward to spending 4 weeks worth of nights away from my son. I have never been away from him overnight and now I have to do it for 4 weeks??? That is almost asking too much. Well, it is asking too much.

Last night, I had a reprieve, though. My husband who has been feeling bad for me all weekend, took me for a ride in the car last night. I wasn't exerting myself, just sitting back enjoying the ride with my window open and Ethan chattering in the back seat. I LOVED THAT!! Next we decided to stop and pick up some dinner to take home. It just so happened that we drove by our church which I haven't set foot in for 6 weeks. He pulled into the driveway and asked if I wanted to go in and just sit for a little bit. Well, of course I did. So as the tears welled up, I made my way inside and just sat there and soaked up every moment. Then we all went into the Blessed Sacrament Chapel and prayed together. For a moment, I had gone to heaven.

By the time we got home it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of me even for just a moment. Bless my husband for everything he has had to put up with. He is truly a rock for me. I don't know what I would do without him and I am positive that if this had happened in my first marriage, the baby probably would not have survived and neither would I. I would have gotten 0% support there.

So for this week of Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for even though I am in this predicament. First, I am thankful that my baby is still alive. Second, I am thankful for the support and strength of my husband and for his strong faith. I am also thankful for my faith which upholds me during this time. Next, I am extremely thankful for my support system beyond my family which includes my friends, my long distance family who do not live here and all of their kind words, deeds and prayers. I am very truly blessed for this Thanksgiving. More so this year than ever before.

20 weeks, 3 days

2010-11-18T08:26:00.002-06:00

Today, I am half way through week 20. Feels like a milestone to at least know that if this were a normal pregnancy, I would be half-way there. This pregnancy unfortunately, has been anything but normal. As my dr. would say, we passed normal a long time ago. But, I still have faith that this is all going to turn out ok. Now, at least I can start to feel little Ryleigh moving around a bit. Every time I feel one of her little kicks, I am completely reassured that she is still ok and still with me. Sometimes I just try to lay as still as I can just so I can feel here movements.

Our ultrasound this week was good. They took measurements of everything. Head, chest, belly and all long bones. According to her measurements, she is right at the 50th percentile. Perfect! They estimated her weight at 12 oz. So not even a pound yet. She is such a strong little girl already. However, one setback that happened is that I had a huge leak right before my appointment. A leak very comparable to the first one. So everything I had saved up the last two weeks was gone right before my ultrasound. But, the doctors are happy that she at least had two weeks of good fluid that she could swim around in so all was not lost and my fluid measurements were not much different than the week before. I had a minor leak this morning but nothing big to speak of. It is a little disappointing though because I think that after 2 weeks of no leaking at all that maybe I am part of that lucky 1% that has resealed. Well, that definitely didn't happen.

Last week, I was crying because I will have to go into the hospital in a couple of weeks. I have completely changed my attitude about all that. I realize that when I get to the hospital, if she is born early, there is a good chance she will still make it. I think once I am there, it will almost be a relief now, in a way. Then, just 4 weeks after that, she will be here.

I have been communicating with another woman who had been through this exact same thing. My doctor was kind enough to get us both connected and she has been more than willing to share her experiences with me. I have found this to be extremely helpful since she had the same doctors and was in the same hospital. She has a cute little 4 year old boy to show for all their hard work and tears. She sent me a picture of him that I keep in my inbox so I will be reminded of the goal at the end of all this. I am very thankful to have found her.

I still count all my blessings and there have been so many. I still thank God every day for all of my friends and family who are supporting us and lifting us up in prayer. Also, so many people have stepped up to help out with cleaning and cooking and errands and some babysitting. It is the little things that make the hugest difference. Just knowing that everyone is behind us and that we are not in this alone.

Random thoughts..

2010-11-12T08:59:00.002-06:00

Well, today is day #31 of house arrest. Still feeling cautiously optimistic but also still not sure of what the outcome of this will be. Dwaine and I met with the neonatologist yesterday. He was very nice, very intelligent and seemed to be very caring. Of course, we learned more gloom and doom yesterday also. I now know what the terms hypoplasia and pulmonary hypertension are, I know a little about respirators, ventilators and feeding tubes. I know about how difficult it will be to get an airway into my baby, I know about underdeveloped lung tissue and I know about how the heart can take over the chest leaving not much room for lungs. I know the uterus compresses against the baby's chest. I know a lot of things now that I may have been better off not knowing, but we need to know these things just in case. We need to make decisions on how much and how soon we think the baby will be "viable" How soon is too soon and can the baby live if it is too soon or do we let her go? That is the most cruel decision of all. We also learned how technology has developed in even the last couple of years. We learned how much more they know about this problem than before. I know if this had happened with Ethan, there is a really good chance, he wouldn't be here just by how far they have come in the last 2 years. Those are the good things. I will try to focus on these and I will try to focus on those PROM women who have succeeded in having healthy babies. The ones who seemed to have more difficulties than me. The little ones that made it. Those babies are my heroes.

My prayer now is that I can give this situation over to God and let Him handle it. Worry does me no good and it doesn't benefit Ryleigh either. Now, I am praying for patience, acceptance and trust.

Pity party

2010-11-10T13:33:00.002-06:00

Ok so if you don't want to listen to me feel sorry for myself, it's best not to read this but I have to get it out so that it will go away. So here goes.

First, we will preface this with some good news though. My appointment yesterday went really well again. Everything still looks great as far as the baby goes. Fluid is hanging in there, not quite as good as last week but not bad either. So all in all, good news.

Here comes the "I feel sorry for myself" part. In talking with the dr. yesterday, I made the mistake of asking him if I would be spending any time in the hospital before this was all over with and he of course, told me "yes". It looks like I will be heading to the hospital to spend the rest of my pregnancy when I hit 24 weeks. That's 5 weeks from now. The exact date would be during the week of Dec. 13. So what does this mean? Well, it means I will spend Christmas in the hospital, that's what it means. It means I won't be able to participate in the holidays at all, really. It means no Christmas cards will be sent out, no shopping will be done, and the part that makes me most sad is no Mass on Christmas eve and no family time on Christmas Day. Now, maybe I would be able to handle this if I knew I would be getting out shortly after that. No, I won't deliver until the last week of January. Won't be going home until February and will more than likely have a sick baby in the NICU until Spring. By the time this is all said and done, about half a year of my life will have slipped by. Half a year of Ethan's life will have slipped by and I am not a very good part of it right now as it is.

I can't even take care of my little boy now. I asked Dwaine to leave him home with me this morning while he went to work and I couldn't even take care of him. I am scared and I am starting to question myself as a useful person and a mom. I know that what I am doing is best for our little girl. I am scared there is a pretty good chance she still won't make it. Then all of this time, all of this effort will be for nothing. It makes me furious just to think about it.

It has been forever since I have even had real clothes on. No makeup, hair looks like crap and sweats all the time. Makes me feel really pretty. Every day makes me think that this has been one more day that I have kept my baby. But could this be the day where it all ends? I think about that all the time. Is this the last day I'll have my baby with me? It scares the crap out of me.

I know I am not looking at the big picture right now either. I actually do believe that this will have a positive outcome. I feel like it will anyway. I hope God is not going to disappoint me. I feel like every time I learn to trust, something is taken away from me. It happened when my mom died, then my dad died, now I am afraid of losing a baby. I really don't think I can handle that.

Ok, I think I have purged enough and hopefully I will begin to feel better now. Just needed to get it out.

Doctor's report

2010-11-03T14:42:00.002-05:00

Well, I had my weekly doctor visits yesterday. I am now seeing both doctors once a week. Dr. Grant, my high risk specialist, and Dr. Moreton my regular OB. Dr. Grant has pretty much taken over my case but the two communicate and share reports weekly. Dr. Grant does an ultrasound weekly and checks the baby and the fluid levels. Dr. Moreton has taken over the role of counselor which is very helpful to me at this time.

So first, I had my weekly ultrasound. Here's how the fluid levels go. They find the largest pocket of fluid and measure its length in mm. I have two pockets of fluid (bonus!) I ruptured on Oct. 12th and have no idea how much fluid I had and at the time, I was in no state of mind to even think to ask. I just knew it wasn't enough. The next week, that single pocket of fluid measured 13 mm. The bottom of the range is 10mm so that is great! And that is when they found the second pocket of fluid. Not sure what it measured that week. The next week, 10/26, That large pocket went down to 11 mm and the second pocket was 6 mm. One close to normal range, the other one, far from it. This week 11/2, the large packet measured 18 and the smaller one measured 13!! YIPPEE!! I drank like a fish this week (water, that is) so I like to think I had a hand in helping things along - besides what God did. Little sis was moving around and swallowing with a full stomach and bladder. All excellent signs. The doctor congratulated us on a job well done this week and told us he would see us next week. So good report!

Next was Dr. Moreton (my counselor). He always makes sure my mind can handle all of these things. He also knew how excited I was about such a good report. He also helps me to become aware of reality. We aren't out of the woods yet. I know this may still end up with a bad result, then he tells me that God has a plan in all of this and whatever happens, he says he is proud of me for trying to do the best thing for this baby. He also vows to do everything in his power to see that this baby gets every chance for survival. How many doctors would say that? How many doctors would tell you that they are proud of you for choosing life for your child? How many doctors would tell you that God is watching over you? I don't know of a single one, except for him. I have a new respect for him and I trust in everything he says and does. I am so blessed this week.

November is the month of Thanksgiving. Right now, even in this inconvenient circumstance, I have so much to be thankful for.

Family vacation

2010-10-30T20:06:00.001-05:00

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Marathon runner

2010-10-30T14:22:00.003-05:00

I have recently come to the conclusion that bed rest is very similar to running in any sort of distance race, whether it be a marathon or a half marathon or whatever. I recently completed my first half marathon this past July. I trained for it for over 5 months. During that 5 months we learned to build endurance and speed. Those 5 months also required a lot of patience. Not only do you have to have patience to complete the distance but you have to have patience to complete the training. There are setbacks along the way. One or two missed training runs can cause a delay or make it more difficult to accomplish the goal you have set for yourself. Injury is also a big setback. You need time to heal and then try to make up lost time that you were not running due to the injury.

When it finally came time for the actual race itself, I was very scared. Scared that I would not be able to finish. Scared that I would end up being disappointed in myself. Scared that I would disappoint everyone else that I told about running in this race. I didn't want to come back and have to tell everyone that I could not finish. The morning of the race, the odds seemed to be stacked against me right away. It was so humid, I could hardly breathe. After I completed the first 3 miles, I became so nauseated I didn't know if I would be able to finish. When that happens, your mind starts to tell you to just give it up, it's not worth it. What glory is there in finishing anyway? About the 8th mile, it started to rain. Not just any rain but a severe thunderstorm and by this time I was at the very end of the pack. The police were behind me telling me that they would be happy to drive me back to the finish line. I was about two seconds from jumping in that car and saying "forget this!" Then a girl who was with me said that she was not quitting unless they made her quit. So amidst the rain, wind, lightning and nausea, I decided that I was finishing this thing come hell or high water!!

Well, I finished. I cried as I crossed the finish line. The rush from that accomplishment was awesome! And it was a lesson learned that I did not know I would use until now. (did I mention that a week later I found out I was pregnant? So not only did I run in the conditions mentioned above, I was pregnant too!!)

If I can finish a half marathon, I can do this bed rest thing too. The race was a lesson in patience and a lesson in controlling what my head tells me. My head tells me that I won't be able to do this without going stark raving mad! My head tells me that there is a high probability that I may still loose this baby especially since there is no chance yet that she can live outside my body. My head is telling me that my body is not a good home for this baby anyway. My head tells me that even if I make it, there still may be something seriously wrong with this baby in the end. My head tells me that all the odds are stacked against me.

My heart tells me that I can do anything with God's help. My heart tells me that God will not leave me. My heart tells me that even if something does happen, He is here to comfort me. My heart tells me that the prize at the finish line is so valuable that there is nothing that will stand in my way to get it. During the run, I listened to my heart and I knew I could do it and I did! Now, I am learning again to listen to my heart and I know I will reach the end and there will be a wonderful outcome and a precious little girl at the finish line. I know that with so many people praying for us, there is no way that God will deny us this child. He is just making us work for her. No one said it would be easy but it will be worth it.

Day 17 of house arrest

2010-10-28T20:57:00.002-05:00

Our latest trip to the doctor was two days ago. Every doctors visit includes an ultrasound, a visit with Dr. Grant and then a follow up visit with Dr. Moreton. So first thing was the ultrasound. It didn't show as much fluid as last week. There was a SVP measuring 11mm and another pocket measuring 6mm. The bottom of the range should be at least 10 mm. I don't know what it was last week, I think I was a little too freaked out to remember to ask. The baby still appears to be in stable condition. We could see her bladder and her stomach which means that she has enough fluid to swallow and for kidney function. Both excellent signs. We also watched her suck on her hand and move her jaw which means she was swallowing too. Good news! Dr. Grant came in after that to explain everything to us. He was slightly concerned that the fluid level was not as much but he said it would fluctuate. After two weeks of bedrest and finding out there isn't as much fluid is, to say the least, a little disheartening. Seems like you try your best and it isn't good enough although I know I am not in control of that situation. He also said that if the fluid consistently goes down or no more is made, they would check possible problems with my placenta. GREAT, another potential problem. But I know that is just something he has to prepare me for just in case. I am not thinking that anything else is wrong and I am going to drink a ton of water this week. Overall though, he gave us a good report.

Next was our visit with Dr. Moreton. He is my regular OB and since Dr. Grant has taken over my pregnancy, Dr. Moreton acts mostly as my counselor. He does his best to make sure that mentally, I am able to cope with things. Which, some days are better than others. He is also trying to get us set up with a neonatologist. He answers all of my questions, no matter how dumb I think they are. He has even called me at home to check on me.

I am lucky to have such wonderful doctors taking care of me. I truly feel like they care about me and about keeping this child healthy and alive. Not once did either one of them try to talk me into terminating this pregnancy which, I think is a wonderful thing. I could never do that. So they are trying to give her every opportunity to make it by taking care of me.

So, now we keep doing what we are doing and wait until next Tuesday.

A fork in the road

2010-10-26T16:20:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't blogged in forever but now is a new twist in our journey.

In July, I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. Miracle of all miracles! We wanted two children and now with Ethan getting ready to turn two, we figured we were ready again. We were still signed up for the adoption in case we could not get pregnant again. This is a true miracle that it happened twice! I had the usual pregnancy symptoms or the same ones I had with Ethan. Indigestion, nausea, fatigue, you know how that all goes.

On October 12, 15 weeks into the pregnancy, one of the worst possible things happened. My water broke. The medical term for what happened is preterm premature rupture of membranes or pPROM. It happened at 6:00 on a Tuesday morning while I was asleep. No symptoms, no warnings, just leaking almost all of the amniotic fluid. Frantically I called the doctor who told me to come in as soon as the office opened. The grim look on his face told us everything we already dreaded. He said that the baby was still alive but most likely in the next couple of days, I would go into labor and miscarry. We were devastated. My OB also called down the hall to an OB high risk specialist who agreed to see me right away. While in his office, he did two more ultrasounds and told me that if I heeded to strict bed rest, there was a chance that the baby may live to prematurity. Which means that as soon as they think the baby can live on her own, they will do a c-section and she will live outside the womb until she is ready to function on her own outside the NICU. Yes, we also found out that the baby is more than likely a girl.

So to make a long story short I have made it two more weeks on bed rest, and our little girl has hung in there right along with me. There is still some fluid but not a lot. There is enough for the baby to swallow and filter through her kidneys. These things are both crucial for the survival of our baby. And, we have hundreds of people praying for us. That is what helps the most. I have found a great support group online for women who have the exact same condition that I do. I guess you call it a condition. I have done more research on PROM than I ever imagined since I have never heard of it before. You see, it only happens in 1-2% of all pregnancies. So unfortunately, I am unusual. Maybe I should have bought a lottery ticket that day too. Seems like my chances of hitting the lottery would have been better than this.

There are many things that can go even more wrong down the road but we are praying for nothing short of a miracle in this pregnancy. After all, Ethan was a miracle so I believe in miracles. So for now, everything is stable and we just take one day at a time.

Until next time...

Christmas with Chris & Stacy &Lily

2010-01-26T11:28:00.002-06:00

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We finally celebrated Christmas together in January. We very much enjoyed spending time with my brother and his new wife and Lily.

In case you haven't noticed, I have changed the layout of my blog just a bit. It was originally supposed to be a journal of our adoption journey. However, that is on hold right now. As sad as it makes me, I can't keep writing about something that I really don't think is going to happen. We have been logged into China for almost 3 years now and it looks like it could be about 4-6 more years. There are many reasons why. At least that is what the China government says. I really am tired of explaining them all. I feel as if I am defending them and I can't. It is a tragedy and I would rather not explain the wait times any more. So for now, we won't be blogging about our adoption anymore. Thanks for understanding.

In the meantime, we are enjoying Ethan with all of our hearts and are extremely lucky and blessed to have him in our lives. He is truly a miracle.

I'm finally walking! 1/7/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

2010-01-23T16:18:00.002-06:00

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This pretty much tells you all what we have been up to lately. Being a mom is a blast!

Updates

2009-10-21T20:38:00.002-05:00

I am finding that I do good if I can post once a month now. We have been kept very busy!

Ethan just turned a year old in August. I can't figure out where the time went. He is getting to be such a big boy now! He is not walking yet but getting closer every day. I am ready for him to walk. He is so heavy and it is getting harder for me to carry him everywhere. He is starting to learn what we are saying now. He can't say any words yet but he does know what we are talking about. He knows how to make monkey sounds, duck sounds and car sounds. He babbles and "talks" in his own language all the time. It is really cute when he tries to sing or imitate us singing a song to him.

We talked to David the other night via Skype. That is the coolest thing! If you have loved ones who live far away, get a webcam and get Skype. We downloaded it for free and David pays little to nothing for it in Iraq. It is a neat way that he can see and talk to us and most importantly, he can see Ethan. Ethan is probably David's biggest fan. David seems to be doing well in Iraq. He looks good and seems very upbeat. We will just be glad when he gets to come home. He is travelling right now closing up other camps so they can leave. Their company will be one of the last ones to leave the country.

Carrie is still getting ready for her big wedding day. She is teaching middle school music. I think it is challenging for her but with as much drive as she has, I know she can make it work and succeed. She and Gus are living in the Washington DC area.

Ryan has been extremely busy with band and choir at school. He is doing well but very busy. He is enjoying his senior year this year and his grades are a little better than last year. We are hoping he can keep up the good work until graduation.

Our adoption is at a dead standstill. I can't believe it is taking so long. I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have Ethan in the meantime. It seems as if our China adoption just may never happen. We are still in the long haul but by the time our turn comes up, we are seriously wondering if we will be too old then. Would it be fair for a child to have parents as old as we will be? I don't know. We are thinking still about exploring other options. Of course I will keep you posted.

Dwaine has been very busy at work and I am enjoying part time work very much. I love being a stay at home mom at least part time. We are still doing a little work on the house here and there but no major projects planned anytime soon.

Well, hopefully this finds you all well and healthy. Until later,

Kelley

Ethan's birthday video

2009-09-15T17:44:00.003-05:00

Better late than never!
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Updates

2009-08-25T11:52:00.004-05:00

I know it has been so long since I posted. Every time I look at my own blog I feel guilty for not posting. So much is going on right now. Life is going on right now. And I am loving every minute of it. Our little boy is now 1 year old. He gets cuter every day and learns more and more every day. He is my blessing. We celebrated his birthday in style. Party, balloons, cake and lots of presents. Since we don't have much family around, it was amazing how many of our friends came to his party. My brother and his fiance and Lily were there. Ryan was there too. Otherwise all of our good friends were there.

David is in Iraq now and will be there until next summer. Please pray for him that he stays safe and come home soon. So far he is doing really well.

Carrie is making wedding plans for March. She and Gus will be married in Princeton and we are all looking forward to the wedding. She has a job now teaching middle school music and reading in the Washington, DC area. Gus is beginning a new job as well. They seem to be doing really well together.

Ryan just started his senior year of high school. Hard to believe that he will be graduating next spring. When I met him, he was only 12 years old. Time sure does fly by.

My brother and Stacy are planning their November wedding. That will be here before we know it. Our whole family is in the wedding. Dwaine is the best man, I am a bridesmaid, Ryan is a groomsman and Ethan is the ring bearer. He better learn to walk really soon! Lily turned one in May and is walking all over the place. She is so cute!

Dwaine continues to be really busy with his job and I am still working part time and loving it. Other than that, not much more to report. We are all doing well and are all healthy and happy.

Here is a little parting picture:

Our trip to Quincy

2009-05-14T14:38:00.002-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Video of Ethan

2009-03-30T15:37:00.001-05:00

Here is a cute video of Ethan. Enjoy.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Pictures are worth a thousand words

2009-03-30T15:32:00.002-05:00

Click on the link to view pictures of Ethan. http://www.onetruemedia.com/my_shared?z=37c7bec2c360ea69b2702d&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Hi again

2009-01-29T17:00:00.002-06:00

Ok, the blog needed a little facelift and I had a little time and some patience and through a little (ok a lot) of trial and error, here it is. I think I like it. I just wanted to test it out and post a couple more pictures of Ethan.

Enjoy....

Kelley

Here's the latest...

2009-01-24T17:06:00.006-06:00

Man, time is flying by lately! I can't believe it is almost February already. Seems like we just got through Thanksgiving!

Ethan is 5 months old now and I can't believe how fast he is growing and changing. He is almost sitting up now and he is starting to babble and say da-da. I keep trying to get him to say mama but the more I try, the more he says dada. Oh well! Ethan celebrated his first Christmas and loved it. I don't have any pictures of him with Lily when they opened their gifts because my camera died! What kind of mom lets her camera battery go dead? He was so excited to open his presents and he loved all of them.

He is learning how to eat solid food now. He likes his cereal but only if it is mixed with a tasty fruity goodness. He is not so crazy about any green vegetables. He does like sweet potatoes and squash.

Everyone else is doing fine. Carrie has set a wedding date of October 10. They will be married in Princeton. Chris and Stacy have also set a date. They will be married on December 5th in Quincy. Dwaine is going to be Chris' best man and I am a bridesmaid. I guess it is actually bridesmatron since I am an old married woman. Ethan and Lily are going to be ring-bearer and flower girl. That will be a priceless picture to see. I am excited for everyone and looking forward to both upcoming weddings.

David is still in Kansas and is able to come home pretty often now. He bought a car and now has a means of transportation. He seems to be doing well and will be home to visit us again in February. The army is talking about shipping his unit to Iraq in June so keep him in your prayers that it doesn't happen. We are hoping that with the new administration, things may change.

Ryan is doing well too. Still plugging along in school and very involved in band and choir.

Well, I am hearing the baby cry so I better get going. Hope everyone is well!

Until next time,

Kelley

Oh, ok one more picture

It's been awhile....again

2008-12-30T15:54:00.003-06:00

Well, it has been awhile since October. Many things have happened since then. I feel like I am writing this post very quickly before Ethan wakes up. I do most things while he is napping now and I don't get a whole lot done anymore or so it seems to me.

Updates - here we go....

October was the last month I was on maternity leave. I enjoyed every minute of my leave from work. I was gone for 12 weeks and am now just working part time so I can spend more time with Ethan. I also love being able to get household chores done during the week so the when the weekends come, Dwaine and Ryan are here and we don't have to do as much house work now on the weekends. We can spend more time together.

Ethan celebrated his first Halloween with us. He was dressed as a pea pod. Mostly he was a mad pea because it was a warm day and his costume was very warm also. He was a hot, mad little pea.

I started back to work in November. That is going ok and I am glad to be back to work also. I loved my time off but now I feel like I am still using my skills to keep up being an MRI tech. We celebrated Thanksgiving with the whole family here. Carrie came home, Dwaine's mom and dad were here, his sister Patti was here and David came home from Korea. He is back in the states for the time being. He had two weeks off here at home and then started work at Fort Riley, KS. Just a 3 1/2 hour trip from here. Much better than half a world away. Now at least he is in the same time zone. Kansas still seems like a foreign country, though.

The day after Thanksgiving, we had Ethan baptized. It was a wonderful day filled with family and friends. I was amazed at how many people showed up at his baptism. His godmother is my good friend Toni whom I work with and his godfather is my brother Chris. Carrie, David and Ryan were all there. Carrie fixed a wonderful meal for us all and we enjoyed it very much. She was quite the hostess. I think if her carreer in music doesn't pan out, she should start a catering business. :)

Carrie and her long time boyfriend Gus were engaged just recently and are planning an October wedding. It will be held in New Jersey. We are very happy for them both. We do really like Gus a lot. My brother Chris also became engaged to his long time girlfriend Stacy. They will be married in December next year. 2009 will be the year for weddings. They will be married in Quincy.

David is back from Korea and is stationed in Fort Riley KS as I mentioned earlier. He will be there until June when he supposedly will be sent to Bagdad. He will be stationed there for one year. Please pray that he remains safe or better yet, that his duty may be assigned to another place besides Iraq. He will be in Kansas until then. It is nice to be able to see him more often now.

Christmas has come and gone. Ethan celebrated his first Christmas. He was more interested in the paper and boxes than the actual gifts. He had a good first Christmas. We spent Christmas eve and Christmas Day here at home with our family. Then we travelled to Oklahoma for Christmas with the Gelnars. The trip to Oklahoma was an event that I am not too eager to repeat any time soon. We spent 14 hours in the car with Ethan both on the way there and on the way back. So in 3 days, he spent 28 hours in the car. Too much for a 4 month old. Take warning all of you who have small children. Don't do it! Our visit with the family was very nice though. Ethan got to see his grandma and grandpa again and he got to meet a few of his cousins for the first time and also Aunt Cindy and Uncle Joe. He did remarkably well on the trip.

Our adoption (which is the primary reason I started this blog) is at a complete slowdown right now. We were logged in in Feb. of '07 and they have been working on Feb of '06 for well over 6 months right now if that tells you anything. We are going to wait a year and then re-evaluate our situation. China is not looking so good right now. We may switch over to special needs but that is slowing down too. Our little girl seems soooo far away right now.

We are anticipating a wonderful new year with lots of love and good times both with Ethan and our other kids and my brother as well. We are looking forward to two upcoming weddings and lots of fun with Ethan. I will post pictures later on but for now I hope you all have a blessed and happy New Year.

Lots of love,

Kelley & Dwaine & Ethan

Random thoughts

2008-10-09T14:39:00.005-05:00

Hi again,

Just wanted to check in. There is not a whole lot going on which is a good thing. I like the quiet. Now that the house remodelling is finished, we have finally started on Ethan's room. He will probably be in college by the time we get his room ready for him. Dwaine started tearing the closet apart so he could widen the opening and put on new doors. I have started painting. I swear, if I have to paint one more thing after this, I think I will lose it. I am so sick of painting!

I haven't mentioned our adoption for awhile and that is because we are still waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Actually, it is a good thing for us to wait awhile now because I would like to get adjusted to Ethan first. He will more than likely be two or three before we go to China. Some friends of ours who are in our local adoption group should be getting their referral in a couple of months. Their log in date is in Feb. of '06. They have been waiting 2 1/2 years. Our log in date is Feb. of '07. We will be waiting a lot longer than that. We began our paperwork just over 2 years ago and a referral for us is nowhere in sight. At least now I have something to distract me from the wait now.

Speaking of Ethan, here is a picture of him in his Halloween costume.

Doesn't he make a cute little sweet pea? He will hate these pictures when he is older so I need to get all I can now. Oh, what the heck, here are a couple more pictures of Ethan. He is starting to smile now and not just gassy smiles, real smiles when he looks at us. I think he thinks we are funny looking old people.

David will be home in a few more weeks. Hopefully, he will be in the states for the remainder of his duty. He will be home for Thanksgiving & Christmas! That will be really great! We are looking forward to having you home, David!

Carrie will be home at Thanksgiving as well. We are planning to have Ethan baptized while the kids are here. Hopefully it will work out that way.

Ryan has moved into his new bachelor pad in our basement. He has his own space now and that huge walk in closet. I am going to have to arm wrestle him for half of it. I am planning to store a lot of our crap in there.

Chris and Stacy are officially engaged now. No wedding date has been set yet but she is sporting a really beautiful diamond ring! It really is pretty. I am so proud of them both for being such good parents. Stacy has taught me things that I did not know about being a mom. She is a really good mom.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hope you are all well.

Kelley

A Tribute to my Grandma

2008-10-02T14:34:00.003-05:00

Marie Kuhn

Feb. 11, 1912 - Sep. 27, 2008

Things I remember about my Grandma

Her kindness

Her warm heart

Letting me play the organ in church after mass

Her interest in all of the activities of all of her grandchildren

Always asking me if I am saving enough money

Her snickerdoodles

The fact that she always called me Anne

Cardparties

The fact that she took care of my other Grandmother when she was dying because we couldn't be there.

Her holiday dinners

Cooking chicken on a makeshift grill in the back yard.

Mitsy & Taffy (her dogs that she loved)

Swinging on her swing with her.

Trying to make me feel better when I was sick

Her beautiful relationship with my Grandfather

Her strong faith in God

Feeding the squirrels from her kitchen window

Praying the rosary at her kitchen table

Praying the rosary in the car on our trip to Washington DC

Her love of travelling

The fact that she raised five children who have a strong faith in God

Offering to pray for me when I needed it

Grandma, I told you before you left that I would pray for you too. Please pray for all of us now and be happy with your family in heaven forever.

Our remodelling is finished!

2008-09-23T14:24:00.007-05:00

Actually, it has been finished for a few weeks now. We have just moved Ryan into the bedroom that we added downstairs so I thought I would share some before and after photos.

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

Basement Before and after

My kitchen is the best room in the house. We have a pantry now and two more walls filled with cabinets that were bare before. There is a lot of great lighting and it seems so much bigger than before.

The basement was one huge room that served no purpose except for storing our junk. Now there is a bedroom and a computer nook and we are planning on using our fireplace this year for the first time ever! I am so excited. We are going to make the downstairs family room a small room for reading or relaxing. Also with the fireplace, we should have a lot of good heat without running the furnace as much.

Oh and one more picture...

Isn't he so cute?!?!?!

Kelley

Ethan stories

2008-09-20T19:19:00.002-05:00

Here is the latest news about Ethan. For those of you who know, Ethan was born with hydronephrosis which is an enlargement of the kidney. We have known about his kidney since my 20 week ultrasound. Well, long story short, our pediatrician has been on top of it and set up an appointment for us to see a pediatric urologist at Children's Hospital in St. Louis. That appointment was last Wednesday. He had a couple of tests done here which led our dr. to believe that there was a blockage in the tube that leads from the kidney to the bladder. Knowing this, we had discussed the possibility of surgery to unblock the tube. When the dr. examined him in St. Louis, he told us (after a couple more tests) that the tube was not blocked, but the bladder was refluxing back into the kidney. Something he may very well grow out of without surgery. Great news for us and Ethan. He is on a low dose of antibiotics so he does not get a kidney infection and he will have another ultrasound of his kidney in 6 more months to see if it is getting smaller. That was great news!

He is a really good traveller. We took him to St. Louis for his appointment and he did really great in the car both ways. We took him to Quincy to meet my family there and he did exceptionally well going and coming back. He loves the car.

He has been fighting some really bad colic. We have changed formula twice which helped but not totally fixed the problem. He would cry and scream for hours with no relief. Eating would make it worse. He would cry through his feedings and sleep only for little bits at a time. The pediatrician prescribed Prevacid wich is something they give people for heartburn thinking he had acid reflux. It didn't help. Next we were given Levsin which is a medication given to people who have irritable bowel syndrome. It has worked really well. He is eating better and sleeping better and when he is awake, now instead of screaming, he is taking in his surroundings and smiling and making contact with us. We still have some occasional setbacks, like today for instance, he has been crying most of the day, but for the most part, he has done much better.

He weighs almost 9 lbs now. He is changing every day. He is becoming more interactive with us and his appearance is changing a lot also. He is a really cute baby. We are still not getting much sleep but it could be a lot worse. I am glad I am not working right now. That would be tough.

In other family news, Chris and Stacy are engaged! I am so happy for them and Stacy will be a wonderful addition to our family. I am looking forward to having her as a sister in law. Lily is now 4 months old and sleeping through the night. I wish she could teach Ethan to do that.

Carrie is finishing up her last year of school and doing well as always. David is going to be coming back to the states around the first part of November. He will be in Kansas at Ft. Riley. We are looking forward to that. Ryan is a Junior now and is enjoying band and singing in choir.

Well, that's all for now. Hope you are all doing well. Until next time...

Kelley

Ethan Robert Gelnar

2008-08-27T10:06:00.006-05:00

Ethan was born on August 13, 2008. He weighed 7lb, 4oz. and was 20" long. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my sweet husband. I will just post some photos because to me, there are no words to describe the miracle of this precious little boy.

Ethan is a healthy baby and he is really good too. He only gets us up twice during the night. We had some difficulty with him in the beginning because he could not tolerate his formula. We went through two formula changes in the first two days he was home. He is doing 100% better now though.

He has a kidney problem on the left side. That kidney is partially blocked. They found this out during one of my prenatal ultrasounds. The pediatrician says it is a fairly common problem especially in boys. He may need to have it removed. The dr. would send us to St. Louis to a pediatric urologist. He may need to have a stent to keep the ureter open or they may need to go in and surgically remove the blockage. We had a test done at the hospital to see the extent of the blockage. It is not a problem at all for him now but as he gets older and the kidney grows, it can cause pressure on the kidney and he can suffer kidney damage when he gets older. So now is the time to fix it. But say a little prayer that we don't have to go at all. That is a possibility too.

Well, my little guy is asking that I feed him now so I better go.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Kelley

Baby on the way!

2008-08-11T06:54:00.003-05:00

Well, just two more days until Ethan's arrival. I am excited, nervous, anxious, relieved, scared, elated and every other emotion you can think of. It is hard to believe that it has finally come to this. After years of thinking we could not have children, after almost two years into the adoption process, a baby is born! I can't believe how blessed we are.

I don't have his room ready yet. Our house is still under construction. However, good news is that the kitchen should be finished today! Just in the nick of time. Then they will be working in the basement anyway and that will be much better. It will still be a couple of weeks before Ryan's room is ready. Then we can move him downstairs and start the baby's room. I do have the bassinet ready. Linens are washed and it is stocked with diapers, wipes, blankets and other necessary things that he might need. His little clothes are washed and put away in his dresser. Today I will try to install my carseat base and get that ready. Then tomorrow, I will pack my bag and his and we will be ready to go to the hospital on Wednesday!

I am a little nervous about the c-section but I think that looking forward to the baby is over-riding that a little bit. I have one more dr.'s appointment tomorrow before the big day.

Well, wish us luck and I will try to post pictures as soon as I get home from the hospital. Talk to you all soon,

Kelley

A lot to tell you....

2008-06-26T16:49:00.008-05:00

So many things have been going on lately, it is difficult for me to know where to begin. So let me try to begin from the last time I left off.

David came home from Korea for a visit and he went to NJ for Carrie's pageant. He was home for almost 10 days and we were so excited to see him! He looks great and seems to be doing really well there. He will be home again in Nov. and then in the states for a few months.

Here are a couple of pics of him and some of the things he brought back for us.
In the first picture, he brought us back a piece of the fence that separates North from South Korea. Very interesting piece of history. The next picture is of my guys in New Jersey.

Carrie placed 4th runner up in the pageant. The best she's ever done so far! Congratulations Carrie! She won a nice scholarship for that. She also tied for first on Friday eve for the swimsuit competition. She has one more year to try and I think she is going to do it! So we will be going to New Jersey next summer and we will have Ethan to help cheer her on!

She was Cinderella in the parade. How cute is that? The next picture is after she placed in the top 5 and the last picture is with one of her directors.

I just bought a new car! One thing we have accomplished before the baby comes. We bought a RAV 4 and I love the thing! It gets great gas mileage and has a ton of storage area.

We gave the Corolla to Ryan for his 17th birthday. He was really surprised. It will be a great vehicle for him to drive.

And finally, my great friends had a baby shower for us. We got a lot of great things for the baby and I am so grateful to have such good friends. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came all the way from Oklahoma to be at the shower. Chris' girlfriend Stacy was there with her sister and of course, Lily. Several other friends were there and I am thankful for each and every one of them.

They are still working on our house. I haven't taken any pictures of it since they started demolition but they are slowly putting it back together again. The kitchen actually has paint and lights now. The downstairs bathroom has paint and lights and the rest of the basement has been primed and is ready for the last coat of paint. They will hopefully finish up lighting tomorrow and maybe start on the tile flooring. So anyway, it is coming together now.

Just 7 more weeks until the baby comes. I have a weekly dr. visit and ultrasound and non-stress test. All is fine. The baby is getting a lot bigger now and of course, so am I. It's getting harder for me to move around like I used to and if I bend over, I feel like I am cutting off my own blood flow. My belly gets in the way of most everything and none of my maternity t-shirts fit anymore. They are really tight. My ankles are swelling and it gets a little harder to eat or sleep. However, this is just a status report, I am not complaining in the least! I am glad to be pregnant mostly because I never thought it would be possible. The small miracle moving inside of me every day reminds me that Ethan is just that - a miracle. There is no experience like it on this earth. I love every minute of it. Ok, maybe not the nausea but that was over a long time ago.

Carrie is coming home for the birth of the baby. I am so happy that she wants to be a part of it. I am really looking forward to her being home with us for awhile.

Chris is getting ready to close on his house tomorrow. Dad's house will be gone. Not a terrible thing, I am sentimental because it is the house I grew up in but on the other hand, it has cost him a lot of money in upkeep and is requiring a lot of maintenance lately. I am glad to see him out from under it. His new house is really great and I hope he will be happy there. They will have a great place for Lily to grow up. We are helping them move this weekend.

Well, that's all for now. Hope you are all well.

Until next time...

Kelley

Things not to say to a pregnant woman...

2008-06-13T20:41:00.002-05:00

Pregnancy comments 101:

Here are just a couple of things NOT to say to a pregnant woman. (These comments were made to me)

1. Friend: "Oh, do you know if you are having a boy or a girl?
me: "yes, we are having a boy!"
Friend: "I could tell you were having a boy because when I was pregnant with my little boy,
my butt got really big too!"
me: ??????????? Thanks????

2. Friend (different friend than the previous one): "How far along are you?"
me: "Well, I have about 10 more weeks to go."
Friend: "Wow! You are really big and still have 10 weeks left!?!?"
me: *%^?#!!!

Now for the updates...

The renovations on our house are still going! It has been 2 months now. However, they now have all sheetrock in and taped and puttied. One more coat of putty, then sanding then we are ready to paint! They will start laying flooring hopefully the week after next. Then kitchen cabinets and counters! Maybe my house will be back together before the baby gets here. I will be painting the baby's room probably the night before my c-section, so if anyone feels they are talented in the painting area, please let me know. I am accepting any and all volunteers for helping. I am not too proud at this point in time to ask for help.

David has been home! It has been 7 months since we have seen him and he looks GREAT! He has also changed a little bit. I think the military has been good for him. He has made a lot of friends and is much more social than he was when he lived here! We are proud of him for all of his accomplishments and we are especially proud that he is serving his country.

Everyone is in New Jersey right now except me. Carrie is in this year's Miss New Jersey pageant again this year. My doctor has advised me that it probably would not be a good idea for me to travel this late in my pregnancy so I am staying home holding down fort Gelnar for now. You can see more info about the Miss New Jersey pageant including pictures at http://missnewjersey.net/

I am going to Quincy tomorrow to see my favorite niece! She is 3 weeks old now. Chris and Stacy are doing really well. They should be moving to Hannibal very soon into their new house that they bought! It is so cute! They have a lot of good things going on for them now and I am really happy for them both. They are finding out very quickly how to operate with no sleep right now. Chris says that Lily does not sleep very much at all and she eats all of the time. She is so cute, I can't wait to see her tomorrow.

Well, that's all for right now. My favorite show 20/20 is on and I have to watch. So farewell for now.

Kelley

I have a new niece!

2008-05-25T21:26:00.003-05:00

Chris and Stacy had their baby on May 23 at around 12:15. Her name is Lily Marie Kuhn. She is the most precious little girl I have ever seen and she is a very good baby so far. She is just precious. Did I mention that she is precious?

Anyway, Mom, dad and baby are doing fine and came home from the hospital today. Chris is going to be a really great dad. Stacy is a good mom already and they are so cute with that baby together. Here are a couple of photos of her.

Sorry I forgot to rotate the last one but you get the idea. Stacy was induced Thursday evening and had her Friday. She weighed 5 lb, 15 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long. She looks just like Chris and she even makes the same facial expressions. She has Stacy's nose (thank goodness!) Sorry Chris!

This is a short one but I couldn't wait to post photos.

Hope you are all well.

Kelley & Dwaine

Quick update...

2008-05-09T21:01:00.003-05:00

Hi again,

I know I am bad about posting. We have been furiously busy this last month. Mostly because our house is completely torn apart. I will attach some pictures at a later date. Our remodelling project has finally begun. It started just over a month ago. Our kitchen has been gutted down to the studs and so has our basement. It will be so great when it is finished. We are adding a bedroom in our basement and finishing the bathroom downstairs. So far, they have completed framing of the bedroom, electrical work as well as plumbing in the downstairs bath. The shower has been installed and plumbed. Still no sheet rock but I think when that gets started it will go pretty quickly. The kitchen has been wired for the most part and we have run into a couple of little problems with wiring in the kitchen. We are also replacing the shower valve in the master bath because it leaks and the only way to get to it is through the kitchen so that will have to be fixed first as well.

We have done a lot of eating out. I am familiar with Subway and Arby's especially. But the bright side is, I haven't had to cook much. We have become master chefs with the microwave and toaster oven. I can make a mean grilled cheese in the toaster oven. At least the weather is nice enough now that we can use our grill.

I am feeling pretty well. I have been apparently having a few contractions lately that my doctor isn't really crazy about. I just have to get off my feet and rest awhile. I have been trying to do that but it is really hard for me to sit still most times. I am not able to make our trip to New Jersey for Carrie's pageant. I am really upset about that too. The doctor does not really want me going anywhere just in case I would go into labor prematurely. I would rather be at home if that does happen. David is coming home for a quick visit in June. We are really looking forward to seeing him again! We haven't seen him since last Labor Day. Ryan is going to Hawaii for a band thing. That little rat! I don't think it is fair that he gets to go before we do! I know he will have a good time and I hope he at least brings us some souvs.

It seems that Chris may have sold the house in Qcy. He got an offer today and I think it is a good one. I hope he takes it. He is looking at buying a house in Hannibal. Dwaine and I are going to run up there next weekend and check it out. Sounds like a cute little house he is looking at. It is a brand new construction with a nice yard! Lots of room for the dog and a new baby! Which, by the way, is due anytime now. I can't wait to meet my little niece! She will be here very soon!

Well, that's all for now. Hope all is well. God bless and we love you all.

Kelley

Update

2008-04-15T08:12:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to touch base with you all. Mostly I wanted to enclose our latest picture of Ethan. So here is our cute little boy!

The tech who did the ultrasound said he had my nose. What does that mean?! He is cute, though. I can't wait to see him in person. Anyway, I am doing fine. I'm getting bigger every day it seems. But I am feeling pretty good now.

We have started our home improvement projects. We will be really busy for the next couple of months so if I don't write very often, that's why. Our kitchen has been gutted and our basement has too. We have stuff stored in every room of the house and garage. It is a huge mess and I can't wait until it is finished. It is going to look so great when it is finished! After the basement is done then I will start on Ethan's room. Not much time and so much to do. Mostly it will involve painting for both of us.

Well, I know this is short but I must get ready to leave for work. So I will try to write again soon.

Hope you are all well, Love you,

Kelley & Dwaine

Here's the rest of the scoop.

2008-04-03T15:46:00.002-05:00

OK so here is the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey says. I am so excited! Like I told you all, we are having a little boy. The ultrasound took at least an hour but the tech was very knowledgeable and very nice and explained everything she was looking at. She took several measurements of the head, chest and different parts of the baby's brain. We saw his cute little arms and legs and hands and feet. He has 5 fingers and 5 toes. His head circumference is normal and so is everything else she checked out. The only thing that she thought could be slightly questionable was part of his kidneys. Not to worry, they are within normal limits, just at the upper end of normal and she said that it is common for male babies to have this type of thing and it is fine. We saw his cute little face and she said that he has my nose. It looks like a ski slope. She got the greatest picture of his face from the front. She was measuring his nose and upper lip (to check for Downs syndrome) and we could actually see his sweet little face. Dr. Moreton said that he weighs about 11 oz. now. He is about the length of a banana.

Next we talked about the due date. Since I am OLD, he wants me to go before my due date. So I of course say, "how about a c-section?" He says, "That would be fine with me" YEAH!! That's how I want to do it. So we will probably schedule a c-section for a little before my due date. He said he could induce me but because of my size, there is a chance the baby may not fit through my pelvis really well and he also would not let me labor for too long. If I labor too long, he would do a c-section anyway. I guess I am delicate for my old age. C-section is fine with me. I am not too good with pain tolerance so the idea of laboring for hours and pushing and all that stuff does not appeal to me at all. I love to have the experience of being pregnant but not so thrilled about the experience of giving birth the normal way. Hopefully you all won't think I am a big sissy. But really I am. So that is the story.

I have scanned a really great picture but I'm not at my home computer right now so I will enclose it later on. Also, his name will be Ethan Robert Gelnar. We liked Ethan or at least I did. Dwaine would rather have Andrew but he is ok with Ethan too. His middle name is my dad's first name. We are using it in honor of my dad. I know that if he were here he would be so excited to have a grandson. He was great with little kids and they loved him too. Hopefully sometime soon after Ethan arrives, we will be making plans to get Ryleigh. I can't wait until they are together. Life is so exciting now!

Well, that is the whole story. I am looking forward to getting his room ready now. There is a lot of work to do between now and then!

Take care, everyone,

Kelley

The moment you've all been waiting for....

2008-04-01T19:11:00.002-05:00

Well, we went to have the ultrasound today and.............

It is......

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures will follow at a later date! Soon - I just need to scan them.

Kelley & Dwaine

A baby shower...

2008-03-30T20:08:00.006-05:00

Well, last weekend Stacy's family hosted a baby shower for her. She and Chris got a lot of great things for their baby. Here are some pics.

It was very nice and they got some things that they will really use. She is just about 2 months away from having the baby. It is a girl and her name will be Lily. I can't wait until both of our children will be able to spend time together and play together. How cool is that?!

On another note, I wanted to post a couple more quilt squares that I got from a friend of mine who I know from church and who is also in our local adoption group. Thank you, Rosemary.

I have quite a few quilt squares now. Nowhere near 100 but I am still working on that. I am hoping that I will receive some from Dwaine's family. I haven't received any from them yet (hint, hint!) There is a great lady I work with who has offered to put the quilt together for me. That will be great! She also offered to make a baby quilt for our baby who will be here in August. When we find out if it is a boy or a girl, I will start working on that. I am now looking for someone who is a good seamstress. I want to have a baptismal gown made for the baby and I would like to have it made from my and my mother's wedding dresses. I can't sew worth anything so I need someone who is good at that kind of thing. By the way, we will find out the sex of the baby this Tuesday so stay tuned...

We celebrated Chris' 23rd birthday a couple of weeks ago also. Here is a picture from that.

I can't believe he is 23 already. We did have a cake for him by the way, it just didn't make it into this picture for some reason. He has grown up so much. If he reads this he will think I am a dork for saying so but I am old enough to be his mom, after all. He has had a lot of positive things going on lately. First, he met Stacy. The more I am around her, the more I like her. She is such a nice girl. Then he graduated from the police academy. Now he has a full time job as a police officer in Hannibal. He is also looking forward to the birth of his daughter. That is a lot to cause a person to grow up quickly. He has done a great job with his life and I am proud.

Well, that is all for now. Kind of a miscellaneous post but I will post more pictures after we get our ultrasound this week. I can't wait!!

Kelley

Aunt Jan, you rock!!

2008-03-10T17:57:00.004-05:00

It has been the weekend for quilt squares. Friday I received a package from my aunt Jan Allison. In that package were 6 (count 'em 6!) quilt squares. Now these aren't just any quilt squares. They are made with love from my dad's shirts that he used to wear. The background is from a denim shirt he practically wore out. The pockets from several of his other shirts were sewn onto the background squares.

Here is a little history behind this and why they are so precious to me. My dad for those of you who don't know, passed away very suddenly just 3 weeks before I was to be married - just over three years ago. This of course was one of the most devastating things of my life. My aunt Jan (who is my dad's sister) eventually took several of his shirts and told me that she was going to make something special from them. When I started asking for quilt squares for Ryleigh's quilt, she said she would contribute something from my dad. Now for any of you who knew my dad, he never bought any new clothes for himself. The shirts that he wore, he had worn forever so I remember him in all of them. Several were casual shirts, some dress shirts and an old flannel shirt that he used to wear to work. When my dad did buy a shirt or if someone else gave him a shirt, it had to have a pocket on the front. He would not wear a shirt without a pocket. He had to have somewhere to store his glasses and such. So Jan made quilt squares from dad's shirt pockets. The wish that she wrote was this:

For Ryleigh:

I hope you will enjoy these pieces of memories that I am sending you for your quilt. Each quilt square has a pocket that I removed from the shirts that were once worn by your Grandpa Bob Kuhn. I am not very creative, but I do hope that these quilt squares will give you memories of your Grandpa for many years to come. He was indeed a wonderful person.

Love, Aunt Jan (Bob's sister)

He was indeed a wonderful person and all of this of course made me cry. I think about him being a grandfather and I know he would have been the best there is. I regret not having him here but I know he is watching out for me where he is. There is something else that is really cool about this. I do truly believe that he had a hand in bringing to me both of my children. The one I am carrying and the one we are adopting.

My dad was a thrifty man who saved every penny he made. When he passed away, he left my brother and me financially comfortable. Some of the money that I inherited from my father went to pay for the surgery that Dwaine had to reverse the vasectomy. And now I am pregnant. It took awhile but it worked even after the doctor told both of us that the surgery was a failure. We also have some of the money saved away for our adoption so in a way, he is funding our adoption as well. So I truly believe that he had a part in bringing his grandchildren into the world and into our lives. For that I am forever grateful.

I love my dad so much and our relationship was always a good one. When my mother passed away, our relationship became so much stronger and closer just because we were all that was left. So my dad, brother and I had to really stick together. So it was really difficult to lose him too. My mother meant the world to me and I know she would have been the best grandmother ever but when my dad died, I thought the world came to an end. I miss them both very much.

I miss you mom and dad and I love you!

Kelley

Friday ramblings...

2008-03-07T07:34:00.002-06:00

Hello all,

It has been awhile since I have written. Seems like time just escapes us so fast. We really don't have much to tell you that is exciting. Dwaine has battled two rounds of the flu this winter and I have battled with it too. Unfortunately, I can't take anything since I am pregnant (well not anything that works really well). I lived to tell about it though. We are all healthy now.

The adoption has hardly moved since last month. At least referrals are in 2006 now. The last batch was referred up to Jan 4 2006. Our log in is Feb. 27 2007. It will be probably 2-3 more years from now before we are matched with a healthy child. As I mentioned before, we are seriously looking into switching to special needs. However, so is the rest of the adoption world. I am afraid that the wait will go from non-special needs to special needs and we will be right back in the same boat we are now. We have talked a little to our OB and he said he would be happy to sit down with us and discuss the different conditions and what they might involve. That will be a lot easier to sift through some of those conditions so we can know exactly what we can and cannot handle. With the baby coming, we will be glad to wait a little while as we would like to have at least a year between the birth of our child and bringing home our adopted child. Hopefully this way, they will be very close in age.

I had another Dr.'s visit this week. I had a little complication with bleeding a couple of weeks ago and that is all perfectly fine now. The baby's heart rate has been at 150 the last several times we have heard it. At least the little one is consistent and seems to be healthy. The baby is growing right on target and I have only gained 1 pound so far. That is good news for me because at my age, the baby weight will be harder to loose later on. The doctor is pleased with the way everything is going and I am scheduled for my routine ultrasound April 1. I will definitely be posting pictures then because we should know if we are having a boy or a girl after that. We are still struggling with picking out names. If we have a boy, I think we are stuck on Ethan and his middle name will be Robert after my dad. The girls names are a little more difficult but her middle name will be Marie after my mom's middle name.

They still have not begun working on our house yet. I am getting really worried that they will not be finished before August. We are having new kitchen cabinets put in, remodelling our basement to add a living area and an extra bedroom and finishing the downstairs bathroom. Then they will be expanding our master bathroom and turning our bedroom into a master suite as we will incorporate the back spare bedroom into our room and will have much needed extra space and closet space. It will be so wonderful when it is finished but I am worried that our house will be torn up when we bring the baby home. Anyway, we are hoping...

Well, that's all for now. I will try to post more often because it seems as if I am only posting about once a month. My goal was originally to post once every other week. Oh well.....

Kelley

Happy Chinese New Year!

2008-02-11T09:48:00.000-06:00

新年快乐 Hello everyone and Happy Chinese New Year! This is officially the year of the rat. The first symbol of the Chinese zodiac.

I am under the weather today and thought it would be a great day to catch up on my blog a bit. We have been laying low lately, or at least I have. I have had my share of morning sickness these last several weeks and have felt like doing absolutely nothing. The morning sickness happens in the evenings actually. I think it is finally over now. I haven't felt nauseated in almost a week now. Now however, I have the flu. Since I am pregnant, I don't want to load up on any more medication than necessary so I am just riding it out. It is better today than yesterday but I decided not to go to work anyway and give myself an extra day to recover and not share my germs with the whole office. I am sure they would not appreciate that.

It seems now that this blog has become more of a pregnancy update than an adoption update. Unfortunately, there is nothing new to report on the adoption front. Dwaine and I have thought about changing to the special needs program. We won't do anything until after this baby is born. What that means is that instead of waiting to adopt a healthy baby with no medical condition that we would be considering adopting a child with mild to moderate medical needs. We will have to fill out a checklist of the things that we think we can handle and we will need to do a lot of research into the different medical conditions that we would prepare for. There are some very mild conditions which qualify a child to be considered special needs. For example, children who are born premature are considered special needs. Children who have had surgery already to correct a problem are considered special needs as well. There are many qualifications that we think we could handle other than these. The other thing that has drawn us to that program is this: It is easy to adopt a normal child. They will be adopted. The children who need a little extra attention are the ones who could spend their entire lives in those orphanages because people don't want to take a chance on them. That is what we want to do.

Also, here is a picture of my first ultrasound. It is amazing what you can do with computers! The fact that I was able to scan an upload this picture is a miracle in itself. I am pretty computer illiterate. Anyway, the big melon like thing on top of the body is the head. I say that this child will look just like Dwaine - big head and all. The little white dot in the chest area is the heart. Last time I went to the Dr., the heart rate was 150. He says everything seems to be right on target. I haven't gained any weight yet, but I can sure tell that things are shifting around a lot. My pants don't fit very well anymore and it's a good thing I wear scrubs to work. The drawstring is very forgiving! I can't wait to see that little face in about 6 more months! We will find out in about 7 more weeks if we are having a boy or a girl.

Well, that's about all I know for now. Hope you are all doing well. Take care and God bless!

Kelley

Random thoughts from Dwaine

2008-01-16T21:08:00.000-06:00

A few days ago (Jan. 8th), Kelley and I celebrated our third anniversary. We celebrated by going out for dinner with Ryan and some friends. That is about all we are up for these days.

As many, if not most people do, we celebrated Christmas multiple times - once with Chris and his girlfriend; once with Ryan and Carrie; and once with the Gelnar’s in Oklahoma. The highlight was probably watching the dogs open their gifts. Well, maybe it was the thankfulness for all of our blessings, the family that we were fortunate enough to celebrate with, and the thoughts and prayers for those far away in China and Korea.

Between Christmas and New Year, in three days time, we traveled to Granite, Oklahoma and back. We have yet to recover from the 10-hour drive each way. No wonder we don’t make that trip much.

All in all, Kelley has done pretty well in avoiding morning sickness. She is experiencing indigestion and gas and is usually toast by the time that she gets home from work, but has fortunately missed most of the nausea. Of course, one minute she will detest food and the next be starving. I think that it is just her attempt to keep me off balance.

It seems that our time (including time together) has become a rare commodity. We will have to work on that. We both know how hard that finding time for each other will be come August. I think that I see a lot of babysitting in a teenage boy’s near future. He might be more ready to leave home than his older brother was.

All-in-all, the last couple of months have been exciting, exhausting, exquisite, exasperating, exuberant, exceptional, exhilarating, extraordinary, and wonderful (ran out of ex-words). God has blessed us (especially me) immeasurably.

Just a few holiday thoughts..

2007-12-21T15:31:00.001-06:00

I have so much in my life to be grateful for. The Lord has blessed us in so many ways, ways in which I do not deserve. I can't believe the point I am at right now in my life. I have come so far in the last 10 years. I lived through a divorce to come into something so much better. I guess it is true that we have to die to our old ways before we rise to the beautiful life that we dream of. I have come through so much sorrow and pain only to be blessed with a husband whom I did pray for but realizing now that God blessed me with more than I prayed for. I also dared to pray for a family and when I was told that that dream would not come true, God again answered my prayer with the gift of adoption. We will eventually become a family for a small child who would not otherwise have a family. We need her just as much as she needs us. Now knowing that it could be several years before we get to hold our precious daughter from China, God has again stepped in and given us the miracle of all miracles. Never believing that I would feel a child grow inside me, never believing that I would hold a newborn of my own, praying for that even though we were told that it was impossible. Now God has blessed us with this pregnancy. It is a miracle, there is no other way to describe it.

May God bless you all during this Christmas season.

Kelley

Slightly different plans...

2007-12-13T21:23:00.000-06:00

Well, guess what? I'm not going to sugar coat it and I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm just going to come right out and tell you right away. Ready? Here goes...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, the rabbit died! I can't believe it and neither can Dwaine! Can you tell I'm a little excited?! I'm using a lot of exclamation points! I just found out for sure today because I had a blood test yesterday. I am about 5 weeks along and should be due around the middle of August. That will be a hot one for sure!

After two doctors told us that pregnancy was not possible for us, the miracle of all miracles happened. It truly is a miracle. I do believe that for sure. I never dreamed it would be possible. We are still going through with our adoption, we will have two children just like we wanted in the first place. They will be about the same age.

Now the next news which I have just been cleared to tell you all is that my brother is expecting also. Stacy is pregnant and is due in May. Our children will be about 3 months apart. That is the coolest thing ever and I can't help but think how excited our parents would be if they were here. They would be grandparents from both children at the same time. I wish they were here.

Well, I have more people to tell so I need to get going, I will keep you posted...

Kelley

Giving Thanks

2007-11-28T21:15:00.000-06:00

I did not publish a post on Thanksgiving and I know I am doing this a little backward but hey, it's my blog and I can do what I want with it, right?

Here are the things I am thankful for in no particular order:

My health - mostly because I am getting a little older now and think about this a lot.
My husband - because he is the highlight of my life. We truly came to be together through what I believe is divine intervention. God brought us to the same place and it was only through luck, really that we came to meet. Who else could have brought him to Columbia Missouri from Oklahoma of all places!
My family - my brother first of all and then my aunts and uncles and cousins. I am also thankful for the time I had with my parents. I had really great parents and even though they were taken from me too soon, I am grateful for the time that we were together.
My new family - this would include David, Ryan, Carrie and Dwaine's family who have taken me in as one of their own.
My wonderful friends - you all know who you are. Thank you for being my friends because without you, I would not be where I am today, I am sure of that.

Those are the main things I am thankful for. Happy Belated Thanksgiving.

Long overdue post...

2007-11-26T07:27:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone,

I know it has been a really long time since I posted last. I have promised to tell you all about our "mystery trip". Some time ago, I set up a vacation for us to celebrate Dwaine's 50th birthday. He knew that we were going but he had no idea where we were going. I even packed his suitcase for him. We got up to leave very early on the morning of Nov. 8 and headed to Kansas City to the airport. When we checked our bags, the lady at the ticket counter asked us where we were going and of course I had to tell her. That's when Dwaine found out that we were headed to San Francisco. I had planned on staying there a couple of days and then driving up to Napa valley to stay at a B&B there. We rented a car also and my brother let me borrow his GPS. Let me just make a side note here. That thing is the best device EVER created for mankind!!! I LOVE IT!!

Anyway, we stayed at the Holiday Inn at Fisherman's Wharf. It was a great hotel and right on the wharf. San Francisco is small enough that you can walk pretty much anywhere which is what we did. The first day we wandered around the wharf and went to Ghiradelli Square. We walked through Little Italy and up to China Town. We walked all the way through China town to the main gate.

Notice the street signs are even written in Chinese.

The next day we had a tour scheduled that would show us the sights of San Francisco. First stop was the Golden Gate Bridge.

That was the main highlight of course. We also saw China Town again and got some history behind the cable cars and the street cars they use for transportation still. The cable cars are of course infamous but the street cars are antique and from all different parts of the world. One street car we saw was from Italy, another from Philadelphia and another from Switzerland. We saw the "painted ladies" which are a row of Victorian style homes that you see in just about every postcard. They were also featured in the television series "Full House". We saw the house where some members of the band "The Grateful Dead" lived and made some of their music. We went up to the highest point of San Francisco which is called Twin Peaks and saw the entire city from there.

After our tour, we did a little sight seeing on our own. We strolled back through China town and got some lunch. We had our first experience eating dim sum. This is a type of Chinese dish that is like a dumpling filled with different things. For example, we had some that was filled with shrimp, rice and vegetables. Another was filled with salmon and another was filled with pork and vegetables. Very, very tasty.

Dwaine has become quite the expert with chopsticks!

After lunch, we went to ride on a cable car. We first went through the cable car barn where all of the cable cars are kept and where the cables all come together under the street. It is a very interesting operation. Here is a picture of the huge wheels that power the cable cars.

That evening, we met my aunt and uncle and my little cousin who live in San Francisco and they took us out for a wonderful dinner at a place called Tadich's. It is supposedly the oldest restaurant in San Francisco. It was a great time and my aunt baked an apple pie for Dwaine to help celebrate his birthday. We visited with them at their house for awhile and had a lovely time.

The next morning we were off to Napa Valley. It was raining all day and after we reached our destination that afternoon, we checked into our beautiful B&B, had a little champagne and wine and cheese and went to sleep around 7:30 that evening. It was sooooo wonderful to sleep so much! Of course, after a glass of champagne, I was ready to fall asleep anyway.

The next day we did a little exploring around the valley by ourselves. It was very crowded because it was a holiday weekend (Veteran's Day). We did not know exactly where to go or what to do but we enjoyed the day none-the-less. The next day we had a tour planned that took us through the valley and to 8 different wineries where we tasted and bought a few bottles of wine to bring home. That was a great day because it was organized and we didn't have to worry about driving and tasting wine that day. The weather was glorious. All in all, it was an extremely enjoyable day.

Here are a couple of pictures from Napa.

We had a really great time. We are trying to do as much travelling as we can before our daughter joins us. We have quite a bit of time to do those things. I like to try to stay focused on the times that we have alone together because they are priceless! I can't wait until our daughter comes but for now I am trying to enjoy as much time as I can alone with my husband.

That's it for now. I will try to post more often because it has really been too long since my last post. Hope you are all doing well.

Kelley & Dwaine

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-29T20:26:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween to Everyone!!

Happy Halloween! Hopefully you are all doing well. I feel bad because I am so bad about writing but we have been so insanely busy lately that I feel like I am meeting myself coming and going. What have we been doing? We have been taking a dance class on Monday nights. West Coast swing. It has been really fun! We might actually start going to dances now. On Tuesday nights we have been helping at church with RCIA which for those of you who don't know what that is, it is an adult education class for people inquiring about the Catholic faith. Thursday evenings we have been taking Bosco to doggie classes. Bosco is my brother's dog who we are dog sitting for. He is a 70 lb. German Shepherd puppy. He was out of control but doggie classes have helped him immensely. That pretty much fills up our week. Now for the weekends and whatnot. David is home on leave for one month. He graduated from his specialized training and might I add that he graduated first in his class. In a few more weeks, he is off to Korea. We are enjoying our visit with him.

Ryan is getting ready for Halloween. He has his costume all ready to go. He says this year he is dressing up as a pimp. Great. We are trying to bring him up in a stable Catholic household and he is dressing up as a pimp. Somewhere, I think that something has gone terribly wrong!

Chris has only 6 weeks left of the police academy then he will be finished. He is looking for a job and applying anywhere he can. I think that he and Stacy will eventually get married. She is a really nice girl and I am glad they get along so well together. They make a really cute couple. He has changed a lot since they have been dating. I can just see little changes. They are good changes.

We made a flying trip to St. Louis a couple of weeks ago to visit Dwaine's sister, Patti. Dwaine's niece, Sarah was visiting Patti and it was nice to see them. We went to Forrest Park and rode in the paddle boats. We had a nice visit.

Dwaine's family is coming here this weekend to visit David. His folks will be up on Friday and will be staying until Monday. I am sure there will be a few more here visiting before the weekend is over also.

Next week is our mystery vacation! I can't wait to go. Dwaine still doesn't know where we are going. I have the trip all mapped out complete with planned activities. As soon as we get back, I will let you know how it went.

I feel like I am supposed to keep everyone up to date about the adoption. There just isn't much to tell. We have been logged in over 8 months now. China finally finished matching all of the people who were logged in in November of 2005. That tells you where we are in the process. This month, referrals will start coming in from December of 2005. Hopefully it will start picking up now. November was a huge month for referrals. December isn't supposed to be as large. Either way, we still have a ways to go.

Now, this brings me to my next subject - quilt squares. You know you can do it! Summer is over now and we are all settling in for winter? Don't you need a nice winter project? How about making a quilt square for Ryleigh's quilt? You remember how to do it? Cut one 8x8" square of cotton fabric. Make sure it reflects who you are. Write a wish for Ryleigh on a note card and staple a small piece of the same fabric to the card. Send it to me. If you need help or more info, e-mail me. I only have about 40 squares so far. I need 100 all together to make the quilt.

Ok, that's it for now. Have a wonderful Halloween!

Kelley

Kelley's Birthday

2007-10-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

Kelley finally talked me into posting to the blog. I am pretty slow to try new things, but I guess that it is time.

Kelley's last posting was on the day of her birthday. That evening, late in the day of her second annual 39th birthday, she was a greeted with a surprise birthday party. About 18 friends and family had gathered at a local restaurant, and when the two of us showed, gave her a nice send-off into her fourth decade. Of course, she is now acting a lot older than she did that evening. Needless to say, she slept well that night (notice the glass of blue tidy bowl).

David will be arriving back home this Tuesday night. He will be home for four weeks before shipping out to South Korea. He will be stationed at Camp Walker, South Korea, for at least the next 12 months. We are sad about him going so far away, but very happy that he is not going to be stationed in Iraq.

Ryan's band is heavily into band competitions at the moment. They are in the middle of a span where they compete in band competitions on 4 out of 5 Saturdays. No time for sleep-in-Saturdays for him.

Chris is doing real well in the academy. He will be testing near Kansas City this weekend.

Carrie, too, is doing real well in all of her endeavors. She is enjoying this year much more than last. She is especially happy with her new living conditions. Her new roommates and apartment are much more to her liking.

No trouble, it seems, in keeping busy while waiting for Ryleigh. It doesn't do a lot to limit our frustrations, but it does make the time go faster.

Dwaine

Pictures and thoughts on my birthday

2007-10-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to post a couple of pics since I am downloading from my camera.

This is a picture of my favorite guys when David was home for Labor Day.

And here is a picture of Iris. She is a sweet dog.

Today is my birthday. The big 4-0. I can't believe I'm 40. I don't feel 40. I don't really want to be 40. I think back to when I was in college and realize that it was half of my lifetime ago. I can't believe it. One of my best friends from college passed through Columbia last week and we met him out for dinner. I haven't seen him in years. We talked about our college days as if they happened a couple of years ago. Now we are 40. Man, that is huge! I am old! The only good thing is that Dwaine will be 50 in a couple of weeks. That makes me not feel quite so old....

It seems like forever...

2007-09-28T19:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, dear friends and family, it seems like forever since my last post. I have been extremely busy for the last month it seems. It really isn't an excuse either, I really have been busy.

First and foremost, we have been trying to get my dad's house ready for sale. That has involved some travel to Quincy on the weekends and it isn't finished yet. That has been a big project and even more so trying to do it long distance. We are doing some sprucing up before the sale and just trying to go through and get rid of stuff and sort out what we want to keep.

Chris has settled in here and is really liking the police acadamy. He has done well so far and he has been at it about a month now. We are taking care of his dog while he is in school. They don't allow pets where he lives of course. The dog and I get along for the most part. He has his off days where he likes to dig and chew on stuff that doesn't belong to him. Sometimes I think he is mentally challenged. His name is Bosco and I don't really know if he actually knows what his name really is. He has been called many other things besides that - for instance, Bozo, stupid, dumb sh*^, jerk wad, butt head, etc. I have been taking him to doggie classes and he has really done well at that. He minds much better and it can actually be a pleasure to take him for a walk now. I walk him, not vice versa. It used to be the other way around.

David came home for Labor Day weekend. He is doing great! He will be home in a few weeks and will be here until Dec. We will be looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. All of my family will be here. It will be great! The only one we will be missing is Carrie. I wish she could come home for every holiday.

Dwaine and I are planning a trip to celebrate our birthdays. He will be the big 5-0 in Nov. and I will be the big 4-0 next week. I can't tell you where we are going yet because I am surprising Dwaine with the place. I booked it today and can't wait to go. It is going to be a lot of fun. We will be gone from Nov. 8 to the 13th. I will keep you posted on the mystery trip...

We are both off from work next week too. Dwaine is planning on building some fence in the back yard. Wish us luck on that. I hope to do a little work around the house myself and want to plant some mums and maybe some bulbs for next Spring. We are going to do some fun things next week too since it is my birthday. We are going to the pub crawl and maybe to the Octoberfest next weekend.

Well, I just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. We are doing well, hope you are too.

Love to all,

Kelley

Happy 6 month anniversary!

2007-08-26T19:58:00.000-05:00

IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS ALREADY!!

Well, we've officially been logged in for 6 months now. We started filling out our paperwork over 1 year ago. Looking back on time, it seems to have gone pretty quickly but looking at what awaits us seems like an eternity. Every month, Dwaine and I celebrate our LID anniversary by eating out at this Mongolian barbecue called Hu-Hot. It is a "make-your-own-stir fry" place. Seems kinda odd eating at a Mongolian place. Isn't that the reason that China built the Great Wall in the first place. Oh well, they have really good food. Yesterday was especially cool because we met with several local adoptive parents. Several months ago, I met up with two other women who live in the area. We became acquainted because we use the same social worker. We decided it would be great to just meet once a month and include our spouses. Well yesterday, we met and our group is up to 8 couples. Now we are trying to decide how to make our group more interesting by having different topics of discussion when we meet or maybe a book club type thing. How cool is that? Next month is my turn to plan the meeting place.

Next, I want to say thank you to my secret pal. She has struck again. The theme for August was music. So we are sending each other a CD or some other form of music whether it be lullabies or children's music. My secret pal was really creative. She sent me a toy karaoke microphone that can play music and record also. She recorded the sweetest message from her daughter to me and Ryleigh. She also sent the cutest little Golden Book about adoption. She is the greatest! Hope you are reading this because I want to thank you again!

Next, I want to say thank you to my good friend Kim who has given me a quilt square for Ryleigh's 100 wishes quilt. She took a lot of time and put a lot of thought into it. There is enough fabric that I can cut a square for my quilt and still have plenty left over to make something else. I might have a small pillow made too. She wrote the greatest poem to Ryleigh and it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for being a great friend.

I have 39 squares now. I just need 61 more. Hint, hint...

Now about the family...

Two new things. David is coming home for Labor Day weekend!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, he found out that he will be assigned to go to South Korea for his first tour of duty. Hey, it's better than Iraq! He will spend a year there and we are praying that the Iraqi conflict will be fizzling out by then. It could happen. I am sure we will always have a presence there but hopefully, the fighting will be minimal by then just in case he would be assigned there next.

Chris is moving to Columbia next weekend. He will be in the police acadamy until Christmas. Then, we are trying to talk him into staying here and finding a job in good ol' Columbia. That would be so great to have family who actually lives in the same town for once. That hasn't happened since I lived in Quincy. We are meeting with a realtor next week to get dad's house ready for sale. Hopefully that will go smoothly. Please keep us in your prayers for that reason. Sometimes things like that overwhelm me. Mostly because I let them. Anyway, please say a prayer that the house sells quickly and for what we are asking for it.

I have deeded the house in Chris' name so when the house does sell, he will have a great down payment for a new house when he is finished with school. The price of real estate in Columbia is very reasonable. (That's a big hint to my bro')

Well, I am rambling on now and am really tired. Time for me to go to bed. Hello to you all and hope you are doing really well. Thanks for the comments in the last post. (I love to read them)

Kelley

I've been tagged....a long time ago.

2007-08-20T17:01:00.000-05:00

Well, I have been tagged by my friend Heather in Philly to do this survey. Heather is one of my on-line adoption friends whom I have actually had the pleasure to meet while we were in New Jersey. She has the same log in date that we do. She tagged me several weeks ago but I keep forgetting to write so here goes...

5 THINGS I WAS DOING 5 YEARS AGO (10 years was not a good place in my life)

I had moved into my own home that I bought by myself. My condo I loved.
Living the single life and spending a lot of time with friends
Made a trip to San Francisco to visit family and friends.
Worked 2 jobs. The job I work at now and a part time job and Columbia Regional Hospital
Did not know my husband yet.

FIVE SNACKS I ENJOY this one's easy.

Chips (any kind)
Chocolate (any kind)
Movie popcorn
Ice cream
Pistachios

5 SONGS I KNOW THE LYRICS TO

My highschool fight song. (amazing because I graduated over 20 years ago)
My college fight song. (I think I can remember the words)
All of the songs that were in my wedding
The words to "Oklahoma" (my husband and his sons will get a kick out of that one)
"I can't help myself" by the Four Tops. I have it programmed in my phone as Dwaine's ringtone.

5 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I WERE A MILLIONAIRE

I would make sure my little brother was set for life.
I would donate money to our church.
I would make sure all of Dwaine's kids were set for life.
I would buy a completely frivolous car that would make people think I were going through a mid-life crisis.
We would both retire so we could raise our daughter by ourselves without the need for daycare.

5 BAD HABITS

I am completely OCD about keeping the house clean.
I am too anxious and worry about a lot of things that I shouldn't worry about.
I chew on my fingernails when I am nervous.
I make excuses not to work out.
Obsessing over how long the wait will be with our adoption.

5 THINGS I LOVE TO DO

Go to the movies with Dwaine.
Go out to eat with Dwaine.
Go on vacation and travel with Dwaine.
Go for coffee with Dwaine
Anything else having to do with Dwaine.

5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR AGAIN

My hair permed!!! How awful, someone should have told me...
Polyester pants. That should tell you how old I am.
A belly button ring. Yeah, yeah, I had one. Now I have a gut instead so I don't think I will be wearing one of those again.
Anything spandex.
Anything that has a 70's look. I hated it in the 70's so why would I want to wear it again.

5 OF MY FAVORITE TOYS

My ipod. I really love that thing.
My brother's GPS. We bought it for him for Christmas and that thing is the coolest thing ever!
My dogs. Does that count as two things?
Our lawnmower. I know that sounds really lame but we got a new one and I like to mow.
My computer. It is so amazing what technology has become.

There ya go. That took a lot of thought. I think I will tag Shelby, Marcy and Tamara D.

Have a good week, everyone.

Kelley

The latest...

2007-08-15T15:46:00.000-05:00

Well, here's the latest on the Gelnar homefront......

Since I wrote last time, absolutely nothing has happened. Ok well a few small things have happened but nothing too major.

First, I just want to say that it is hotter here than h-e-double toothpicks!

With that said, now we can move on to business. I told you that David graduated from boot camp at Fort Jackson a few weeks ago. He is now in Maryland doing specialized training for the job which he chose. He will be studying generator mechanics. He will be at Aberdeen Proving grounds until the middle of October. Then he hopes to have enough time off to be home for Thanksgiving. Here is his address if you would like to send him a letter. I am sure he would appreciate that very much. Here goes: David Gelnar, Charlie Company 16th Ordinance Battalion, Aberdeen Proving Grounds, MD 21005 .

No new news on the adoption front. Still waiting. It is hard for me to explain but the wait is slowly increasing and we are looking at 2+ years. We had a major slowdown as soon as we were logged into China and it doesn't look like it will speed up anytime soon. We will have been logged in for 6 months on Aug. 25th. Please pray that it speeds up.

Don't forget those quilt squares! I'm gonna bug you until you send 'em.

I also want to thank my secret pal - you know who you are. We are doing a secret pal exchange through my on-line adoption group. I don't know who she is but she has sent me some pretty neat things so far. July's theme was fireworks. She sent me the cutest little cheer outfit that is red, white and blue. She sent a soft and cuddly bunny and some red, white and blue hair barrettes. It is so cool to receive these little gifts for Ryleigh. It makes it all seem so much more tangible. So thank you to my secret pal, you are the greatest.

Well, I gotta go move the water in the back yard. Our poor grass... Pray for some rain - or even snow. I am ready for winter!!!

Kelley

Well, it's been 5 months...

2007-07-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

Happy 5 month anniversary to us! It has been 5 months since our log in date. 5 long months since we finished our paper chase. 5 long months we have been waiting so far. It has actually been one year now since we began the adoption process all together. 1 year since we first went in and asked our social worker what our options were. 1 year since we decided to pick China. 1 year since I have felt a huge relief from the pressure of trying to get pregnant. That one year has its advantages. I dread thinking of how many more months we will be waiting. I try not to think about it. Last post I was really feeling the pressure of the wait. I guess it comes with those paper-pregnancy hormones.

Here's the latest update on our family.... David graduated from basic training yesterday!! HOORAY! What an accomplishment that is! We are so very proud of him. Also, today is his 26th birthday. Happy birthday, David! Dwaine and Ryan drove to South Carolina to his graduation and they are taking him to Maryland for his next round of training. This won't be anything nearly as demanding as basic training. He will graduate in October. I was unable to go to this graduation due to work conflicts. I am planning on going to the next graduation, though.

Ryan is off to band camp next week. That lasts for two weeks and then it will almost be time to start back to school. This summer has flown by! He hasn't had a whole lot of free time this summer due to summer school and now band camp. He has kept really busy. That is good for him, though.

Chris will be moving to Columbia to start police academy here at the university. He will be here until Christmas time. I am looking forward to him being here and I hope he decides to move here or somewhere close to Columbia. He has found an apartment and will be moving here around Labor Day weekend.

We are getting ready to sell my childhood home. Since Chris is not planning on coming back to Quincy, we are going to put the house on the market. That is a tremendously difficult thing to see happen. I grew up there and did not know any other home besides that one. There are a ton of memories that come flooding back when I think about that house and all of the wonderful holidays and events that took place there. It is also the house where both of my parents spent their last days on this earth. It is a sacred place for me. It was the place I could run to when things weren't going so well here. Anytime I needed to, I could always go home. I still call it my home even though I live here now and have lived here for 20 years. I have lived here longer than I lived in Quincy but 908 Locust is still home.

On a lighter note, I am putting out a plea for more quilt squares. So far I have 30 something. I need 100 in all. So if you would still like to participate, please send an 8x8 square of 100% cotton material and enclose a postcard with a wish for Ryleigh. Also, please attach a small sample of the material to the postcard because those will go into a scrapbook.

Here's an example:

This is from my friend Heather in PA. The wish says: "A girl's got to have a lot of class and a little flash! Have fun with life!"

You get the idea. You can write anything you want just as long as it represents you in some way. I'm looking forward to putting them together. So keep 'em coming in!

Have a great week everyone!

Kelley

Just thinking....

2007-07-11T20:38:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about a few things lately. Probably because I have had a little extra time on my hands the last few days. Dwaine has been in Washington, DC and I have been solo for the last 3 days. Sometimes it helps me to journal to get my thoughts in perspective.

I have been thinking about the adoption the last several days. Mostly in part because I have been looking at that stupid Rumor Queen site. This last month there were again, only 7 days worth of referrals. That puts us into the middle of November 2005. We were logged in Feb. 2007. If they only do one week of referrals per month, we will be dead before we get to go to China. I know that is very pessimistic and usually, I am not so much so but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it lately. I don't want to be a mom who takes her kid out in public and everyone thinks the kid is her grandchild. I don't want to be too old to take good care of my daughter.

The other thing I have been thinking about is my dad. For whatever reason, he has been on my mind a lot lately. He will never see my children. He will not be a grandfather. This makes me incredibly sad. I miss him more and more all of the time. Just when I think it gets better, then it hits me all over again. I really hate that. He was such a good person and I always want to be like him.

I miss you, dad.

Kelley

Hello again

2007-07-01T17:19:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody,

Just a quick update and a few miscellaneous items. Mostly though, I wanted to send a few pictures.

For those of you still interested in contributing quilt squares, I still need many more. I think I have around 30 now from various parts of the country. So far most have been from my Yahoo group. They have been very unique and all very cute. I can't wait to start looking at quilt designs. I mentioned that I have around 30 squares so far. Did I mention that I need about 70 more? (Hint, hint) You can send one, or more than one. I know many are looking and working on it. So far, I have only received 2 from friends of mine from here. All others have been from people from my online group. So be original, and make it something that represents who you are. Remember, the fabric should be 100 % cotton and preferrably pre-washed. Please enclose a postcard with a wish for Ryleigh and attach a small piece of the fabric to the postcard. If you have any question, please e-mail or call me.

On a side note, I mentioned that we had just gotten back from New Jersey. Here are a couple of pictures of Carrie in her pageant. She competed last year and placed in the top 10. She did a much better job in the pageant this year. Her singing gets better all of the time and of course she sang for the talent part of the competition. She was more confident and less nervous this year. She didn't place at all but none of the girls that placed last year did as well this year. I guess it is because you never know what the judges expect. They are different every year. We are really proud of her though. She came home this week and will be here until Tuesday. We have all had a nice visit and she and I spent a day at the spa last week. We have been having a good time. I wish she could come home more often. She will be going to Washington DC to spend the rest of the summer with her boyfriend, Gus. Then back to Westminster to begin grad school in the fall.

David is doing well. We haven't heard from him this weekend but last time Dwaine spoke to him, he sounded really good. He had rifle training a couple of weeks ago and scored high enough to be classified as a sharp shooter. Maybe those video games have paid off ;)

Dwaine and I are doing just fine. Still waiting to start remodelling on our house. I can't wait! We are refinishing the basement, getting new kitchen cabinets and countertops and combining the two back bedrooms to make one large master suite with a huge bathroom. We are putting an additional bedroom in the basement so we will still have three bedrooms. We are also adding a shower to the downstairs bath to make it a full bathroom. Right now we are waiting on the contractors to give us the word to order the cabinets. We are waiting on them to finish up another job before they start ours.

Well, hope you are all doing well and all of you please stay in touch.

Also, congratulations to my friend Becky who is expecting her third child! Congratulations!

Love you all,

Kelley & Dwaine

It's been awhile....

2007-06-23T14:47:00.001-05:00

Hi everybody,

It has been too long since I've written. We have been really, really busy. My aunt and uncle (Mary & Jim) came to visit us two weeks ago. We had a really nice visit and went shopping and out to dinner. We really enjoyed them coming to visit. We celebrated Mary's birthday while they were here.

Last weekend, we went to New Jersey. We left on Wed. and came back on Sunday (Father's Day) Carrie was in the Miss New Jersey pageant. We are soooooo proud of her. She didn't place this year like she did last year but it seems like none of the girls who placed last year went to the top 10 this year. However, we thought she did so much better this year than last. Also her vocal skills just keep getting better and better. She sang opera. Don't ask me the name of the piece because I don't know what it was and it wasn't in English but it was beautiful anyway. The weather was nice and cool while we were there and we walked along the boardwalk every day we were there. Patti and Kathy went also. We had a nice visit with them also. This year's visit to New Jersey was a lot less hectic than last year's visit. We stayed in Ocean City this year where the pageant was being held. Last year we stayed in Absecon which is a 30 minute drive from O.C. That was a real pain.

We also met up with another couple from my Yahoo! online adoption group. Heather and Paul Peters. They live in Philly and were kind enough to meet us close to where we were staying. We had a really nice lunch with them and we exchanged gifts for our daughters. I got Heather a small ladybug purse for her baby and a quilt square for her 100 good wishes quilt. She got Ryleigh a Mulan Barbie which, I understand, are difficult to find. I have started a small collection of things that I have either bought or received for Ryleigh. I don't like to buy things because for whatever reason, I feel like I will jinx the whole adoption process. Sounds goofy, I know but I have nightmares of buying baby clothes and furniture and supplies and setting up a nursery and then something bad happens and for whatever reason the adoption doesn't go through. Crazy, but that's me I guess.

We got back on Father's Day and came home to a mess. Our a.c. went out while we were gone and the moles had declared war on our yard. The grass was knee high and my outdoor potted plants were fried from the heat even though Ryan and Chris had watered them. So Father's Day turned out to be a home improvement day. We celebrated Father's Day on Monday and also Ryan's birthday. He is 16 now. Chris stayed with him while we were gone and took him out for his birthday on Thursday eve. Chris is trying to make a man out of Ryan I suppose because he took him to Hooter's. Needless to say, the waitress made him get up in front of everyone and embarrassed him quite a lot! I wish he had taken pictures because it sounded like it was really funny.

Carrie came home on Thursday this week and we have been enjoying her visit. She will be here until July 3rd. I am taking her for a spa day on Wednesday so we can bond and be pampered.

David is doing really well in basic training. He calls us once a week and he sounds so upbeat. He seems really proud of what he is doing and he has accomplished a lot so far. He graduates from basic training at the end of July. I am really proud of him too.

So life here at the Gelnar's has been really good lately. I am really grateful for all of the wonderful things we have been blessed with. I am mostly grateful for my family. I hope you are all doing well. I will have a little more time to update my blog here in a couple of weeks and I will try to include more pictures.

So until later,

We love you all - Kelley & Dwaine

Just an update...

2007-06-03T20:55:00.000-05:00

Here's the latest from the Gelnar house.

We did celebrate our third month anniversary since LID. 3 down ? more to go. Still waiting. We did get the mysterious "Brown Envelope" in the mail yesterday. This envelope contains more paperwork (imagine that) to fill out for our visas when we go to China. Apparently it isn't anything we need to fill out until we get there. The thing I think is neat is that at least someone in China recognizes the fact that we are waiting for a child and they have sent us paperwork to acknowledge that fact.

I have posted a couple more pictures of some really cute quilt squares I have gotten in the mail recently. I have 20 so far. I just need 80 more. Start sending those squares everybody! Chris is working on his. I think that's really cool that he wants to participate. I have my squares ready to mail out to my group. The cards to go with them turned out really great. Dwaine wrote a poem to go on the card. He wants to be a part of this as much as I do. It is really great that he is taking such an active role in the whole process. Not only did he help with the initial paperwork, he is participating in little things like the quilt square exchange also. He is the greatest husband ever!

Another family update... We have heard from David twice now. He has been in basic training for almost 2 weeks. He injured his knee on the very first day. He is wearing a knee brace but he says it is doing fine. He also had an injury to his arm which got infected and he had to spend the night in the hospital to treat it. His spirits seem to be really good and he says that it is actually getting a little easier. I am sure they are working very hard. He only has about 5 minutes to talk to us once a week. He has alternated calling Dwaine and his mom too. We are sending him letters making sure he has mail when they have mail call.

Ryan is out of school next week. He is starting summer school shortly after that. His birthday is June 16 and he will be 16. We are going to give him my car to drive but not until next year. That means I get a new car!! How great is that! I am looking to get something large enough to fit a baby seat in the back.

We are headed to New Jersey in about 10 days to see Carrie in the Miss New Jersey pageant. We are looking forward to that and I will post pics of her and give you all an update on how she does. We are proud of her no matter what.

Well, that's all for now. Hope you are all happy and well. Until later...

Kelley & Dwaine

Mother's Day

2007-05-21T16:46:00.001-05:00

Here are some of my thoughts on Mother's Day. I know they are a little late but here goes. I am not particularly fond of Mother's Day for two reasons. First reason, I am not a biological mother. I know, I know, I do have step children and they are more than wonderful. As a matter of fact, the boys got me the coolest card for Mother's Day that made me cry. It was really sweet. Dwaine's children are my step children however, they are grown and I didn't have a part in how they were raised. More importantly, they have their own mother and I do not want to step over that boundary. They love their mother and she loves them too.

Next reason I don't like Mother's Day. My mom is gone. Every Mother's Day, I sit at mass on that Sunday Mother's Day morning and cry my eyes out. I hate it. I don't have my own mom here anymore and I am not technically a mom either. Those are the reasons I don't like Mother's Day.

Now, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, that is not my intention. I am simply stating a fact. Here's the good part. Mother's Day is meaning more to me now than ever. Especially this last one. After my Sunday morning church crying session, Ryan and I spent the day together here at home. His mom picked him up later in the day to spend some time with him. I always have a good time with Ryan, he is a hoot! Next, Dwaine came home from being in New Jersey for the weekend. He always makes a big deal for me on Mother's Day but this one was really special. He got me a card and signed it from Ryleigh. It was a mommy to be card and that made me cry too. The next day, the boys gave me a really sweet card for Mother's Day. That made me cry too! One week later, my cool secret pal from my Yahoo! group sent me a tiny little t-shirt for Ryleigh and a lady bug magnet and some information about Panda bears. That made me cry too. I haven't bought one thing for the baby yet. Mostly because she doesn't seem real to me. The little t-shirt gave me something tangible to help me realize that there is going to be a tiny little girl to fill that tiny little t-shirt. Now with all of these things, I am starting to feel more like a mommy and more like someone who has influenced the lives of Dwaine's kids too. I am truly blessed to be where I am in my life. I would not trade it for the world.

Changes

2007-05-16T20:53:00.000-05:00

Well, we have had a few changes this past week. I am usually not a fan of change. Change can be bad or change can be for the better. I believe that the changes that are taking place in our lives right now are for the better.

First of all, Carrie graduated from college last weekend. That is a great change. Carrie is a very bright young woman. She graduated summa cum laude from Westminster Choir College. Carrie will be attending graduate school at Westminster next year. She has always done so well for herself. In a couple of weeks, she will be in the Miss New Jersey pageant for the second year in a row. She placed in the top 10 last year, let's see if she can make it all the way this year. We are pulling for you, Carrie!

Today David left for Fort Jackson, SC. He begins basic training for the Army. He has had a few struggles finding his way and for him to take this big leap is very admirable. Dwaine took him to St. Louis today and I think it has been really hard for him to leave David there. We are so proud of him for taking this step. I hope this will give him purpose and meaning in his life. I also hope that it will help bring his talents out because he has so many talents and he is a very intelligent young man. Please keep him in your prayers. We miss you already, David.

Ryan is getting ready to finish 9th grade and then will be moving on to high school. Next Fall, he will attend Hickman High school. He will also have his driver's license.

So, lots of changes taking place right now. Then throw in the adoption. Life is exciting and always changing. I think that is a good thing. It helps us all grow and learn.

Everyone stay safe and healthy and until next time...

Kelley & Dwaine

Bai Jia Bei (I don't know how to pronounce it but I can do the Chinese accent really well!)

2007-05-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

Hi to all of our family and friends,

Not much new on the adoption front. There is one thing that I am participating in that I think I may have mentioned in an earlier e-mail to you all. I am putting together a quilt for our daughter-to-be. The quilt is a Chinese tradition. It originated in northern China and it celebrates and welcomes a new life. It is called a Bai Jia Bei or 100 good wishes quilt. It is a custom to invite friends and family to contribute a patch of cloth with a wish for the baby. The patch of cloth goes into the quilt for the baby and a scrap of the cloth can go into a memory book for the baby. The quilt is said to contain the luck, energy and good wishes from all the families and friends who contributed z piece of fabric. The quilt is then passed down from generation to generation.

Here's how it works if you are interested:

Choose any 100% cotton fabric (not flannel). The fabric can have some significant meaning for you or it can just be something you like. Prewashing is preferred but not required. Cut an 8x8 inch square from the fabric.

Write a wish for Ryleigh on a post-card or note card. The wish can be handwritten or typed. It can be a hope for her, thoughts on the adoption, a poem, verse, saying, advice or anything meaningful. Please sign you name.

You also will need to cut a smaller piece of the fabric. (1 or 2 inches) and attach it to your notecard so that she will know who the fabric squares are from. We will match the wishes and the author of the card to the patches of the quilt. The notecards will go into a scrapbook.

The picture above is an example of a quilt square and wish. There is also an example of the finished quilt. If you have more than one person in your family who would like to participate, please feel free to send more than one quilt block and wish. We are trying to get 100 blocks all together so the more the merrier. Children are welcome to participate as well.

It is hard to wait for so long for our daughter so I am finding little projects like this one to keep me busy. I am not a quilter by any means, I will find someone to put it together for me.

Thanks in advance for participating. If you have questions about how it works, please e-mail me.

Kelley

Happy Anniversary to us!

2007-04-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

Well, we celebrated our two month LID last week. That means that we have been logged in with China for two months. I am going to be really, really optimistic when I say this but... 2 down, hopefully only 22 to go. That would put us in China to get our daughter in 2009. Our anniversary date was 4/25. Guess how we celebrated? We went out for Chinese food of course. Really, it was an excuse so I would not have to fix dinner. Don't worry though, since we are going to have to wait longer than we first expected, my list of things to do around the house is getting longer. Also, Dwaine told me today that maybe we will get a new car for ME next year!

That leads me into the next topic. Ryan is driving now. Not just driving us crazy either. Driving a vehicle. OOOHHHH, SCARY!! Actually, he does pretty well. He will be 16 in June and able to get his driver's license. He is driving on a permit now and can only drive if a parent or guardian is with him. Naturally, I don't want to deprive Dwaine of this monumental occasion so I am letting him do that. When I get a new car, we will give my Corolla to Ryan. I do love that car, though.

We are planning another trip to Jersey in June. Carrie is going to be in the Miss New Jersey pageant again this year. I am looking forward to the trip. We are staying in Ocean City, right by the ocean. I am really proud of Carrie. She has so much ambition and talent and she puts it all to good use. So, keep her in your prayers. Last year, she made the top 10, let's hope that this year she goes all the way to the top!

That is all for now, we have all been happy and healthy here. Hope you all are too.

Kelley & Dwaine

I've got the adoption blues...

2007-04-21T17:36:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,

I know I haven't posted for almost 2 weeks. There really hasn't been much to report. However, this week on the adoption front hasn't really been a great week. As of right now, those who are travelling to China to get their children have been waiting around 18 months. The wait has doubled just in the last year or so. China has a very reputable program and a lot of people want to adopt from China. Now with the great rush of dossiers heading to China, they can't hardly keep up. Also, their government is telling the world that there just aren't enough children be matched with the vast numbers of families who are applying there. The government only adopts out a certain percentage of children per year and there are a huge number of orphanages who are not open to foreign adoption. This means that the children who are not made available for adoption pretty much spend their lives in the orphanages there. Since the number of adoptive families wanting children is greatly increasing and the number of children being let out of the country is not, the predicted wait times for us is potentially 2 1/2 - 3 years. We have only been logged in for 2 months which means that we will more than likely have to wait another 28 months or so. The only thing that will help is if the Chinese government does something to speed up the process or make more children available for adoption.

Now I am thinking the worst. I just want a baby, if we have to wait that long, I will be 43 and Dwaine will be 53 before we get our daughter. If you think about that long term, Dwaine will be retired by the time she reaches high school. Another thing that I think about is the fact that we kind of wanted to adopt twice, if we have to wait that long, we will both be disqualified from adopting from pretty much any country because we will both be too old.

We are just asking for your prayers and support. Pray that the wait speeds up and that we will travel before we are both headed for the nursing home. I try not to be pessimistic but this week, I just can't really help it. I am still so grateful for the opportunity to adopt, I just wish it would be a better scenario. I keep thinking that if we could have our own children, we could have had a couple by then. Heck, we started our paperwork in August of last year, I could have had a baby by now already.

Thanks everyone for listening to me go on, I guess it is just part of the process. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Love,

Kelley & Dwaine

A few more pics...

2007-04-09T20:02:00.000-05:00

Please take note of the one in the middle. That one is my favorite. There is no need for any form of complicated birth control, just put these glasses on and no one of the opposite sex will want to come near you. Maybe that's why we don't have our own children. Hmmm.....

The one on the left is from Chris' birthday and the other one on the left is our Easter dinner together. Needless to say, we all ate way to much!

Well, that's it for now, until later...

Kelley & Dwaine

Happy Easter!

2007-04-09T17:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter everyone! I know it is a little past Easter but wanted you to know that we send you Easter wishes.

Just want to update you on a few things just around the house. Not any big news just Spring things. A couple of weeks ago, Chris came down and spent his 22nd birthday with us. He brought his new puppy which we dog sat for while he was in Chicago for the weekend. He is a really cute puppy , very energetic to say the least. We met Chris' new girlfriend too. She is a very sweet girl. We spent the day opening gifts, and we went out to eat at a Japanese restaurant in town. Then we came back to the house and had birthday cake. It was a fun, relaxing day.

We are getting ready to do a few home improvements. We had an estimate for new kitchen cabinets and remodeling our basement. We are going to put another room in our basement and add a shower to the downstairs bathroom. I can't wait until it is all finished.

Spring is here and we are frantically doing yard work. So far we have mowed 3 times and we need to do it again if it ever warms back up. It has been below freezing here this last weekend. Needless to say, all of my outdoor plants have kicked the bucket. My dogwood tree had some beautiful blooms on it this Spring as did another tree in our front yard. I don't know what kind of tree it is but it was really pretty.

I will try to post a few more pictures later. I am still trying to get the hang of how this works. For now, know that we are doing well and we hope you all are too.

Love,

Kelley & Dwaine

Kisses in the Wind

2007-04-02T21:15:00.000-05:00

KISSES IN THE WIND
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.
I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.
Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.--- Unknown

Steps involved in the adoption process

2007-03-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

For all of those who are wondering just how the adoption process works, here's a little explanation of the steps involved.

First, you talk to a social worker and decide how you want to adopt. There are two options- domestic adoption and international adoption. We looked at both options. Believe it or not, we are really too old to qualify for domestic adoption. Most agencies seem to push open adoption or at least that seems to be the most common. Most couples must be in their 30's to adopt domestically. That is one reason we chose international. Once we chose international adoption, then we picked which country we wanted to adopt from. Most countries have different regulations and restrictions which you must meet. We chose China because we meet the age restrictions and also because their government's adoption policies are very regimented. No surprises or bribing of judges etc. They treat all adoptive parents equally. The babies are usually healthier and have more medical history than babies adopted from other countries. So we know we will more than likely adopt a healthy girl between the ages of 7 months to 24 months. That is what we qualify for.

After we spoke with a social worker from Lutheran Family and Children Services (LFCS) here in town, they directed us to an agency which deals with Chinese adoptions. We chose Chinese Children Adoption International (CCAI). They deal only with Chinese adoptions and are very well known with the Chinese government. They will take care of the international comings and goings.

Next we sent our application in to CCAI and were approved to be their clients. Now the real paperwork begins.

We needed to compile our dossier (I think this is a French term for "butt-load of paperwork") which consists of many documents which all must be notarized, certified by the secretary of state where the document originated and then they must be authenticated by the Chinese consulate for our region (which is in Chicago). The documents we needed to get were birth certificates, marriage certificates, police clearance reports, passports, employment verification, an income statement, physical exams, an adoption petition and a home study which was done by our local agency, LFCS. The home study consists of a social worker inspecting every aspect of your lives from you income to your pet's vaccinations to your functioning smoke detectors in your home. They examine you through a magnifying glass. We also needed to apply for qualification from the US government to adopt an orphan from China and another background check and fingerprinting by the US dept. of immigration This form is called a I171-H. This is the golden ticket to the adoption process. Once we got this form, (which is a real pain because you have to deal with the US immigration office and believe me, they are not in any big hurry to accommodate you) then we sent all of these things to CCAI.

CCAI takes everything from here. They check all of your documents to make sure they are worded properly and contain accurate information that the Chinese government will need. Once the dossier passes critical review then they translate all documents from English to Chinese. They send the dossier to China and once China receives the dossier, they log you in. This is the precious log-in-date or LID. This date puts us "in line" to receive our baby. There are many people who are logged in. They match children with the next adoptive parents who are "in line". So it is kind of first come, first serve in a way. There are not as many children available as there are dossiers that are logged in. Now, the wait from log in to match is about 18 months. We expect that as we continue on, the wait will get longer by the time we are matched with our daughter. We are probably looking at around a 2 year wait.

Here is our time-line so far:

Our application was approved by CCAI 8/2/06

Our dossier was finished and received by CCAI on 2/2/07 (yes, it takes that long to get the paperwork together)

Our dossier was mailed to China on 2/6/07

Our log in date or LID is 2/25/07

Now here is the kicker, you remember that I171-H? Well, that form has to be valid throughout the waiting period and our trip to China to pick up our daughter. The waiting period is going to be over 18 months. The I171-H expires 18 months after you receive it. So before we go to China, we will have to renew that form which means that we will have to be re-fingerprinted, update our home study and have another physical (and of course pay the government another fee for the form).

Our fingerprints expire on 2/9/08 and our I171-H expires 7/9/08. We will be travelling hopefully sometime toward the end of 2008.

This is our pregnancy period. No physical side effects but a lot more paperwork and hoops to jump through. I prefer to call it paper pregnancy. I don't have swollen ankles but I think I have carpal tunnel from all of the paperwork we have filled out.

Now you know how it works...

Thanks for checking out the blog.

By the way, we think we are going to change the spelling of Rileigh to Ryleigh. We are still playing around with the idea. What do you think? Leave a comment and let us know.

Kelley & Dwaine

A poem

2007-03-30T13:39:00.000-05:00

We Are So Blessed.

We have the opportunity to pray and wait and plan and hope and dream and work for our child. Circumstances don't allow us to take our child for granted - ever. We do all these things for so long and at such great emotional cost, that when our child is finally in our arms, we truly cherish every minute. Every second...

We are blessed to be in our child's life. We are blessed that God planned for us to be a family, and that we were given the opportunities that brought us together. We get to see all the best parts of mankind in our wonderful children. All the goodness and potential and innocence and ambition and confidence and love. And what a beautiful sight that is...

We are blessed to have run this race. It is long and, very often, it is practically impossible to complete. But we run anyway, and believe in ourselves and our child enough to do the impossible. We run, knowing that at the end of this great race, a child is waiting for a chance at a wonderful life. And we get to be the ones to give her that life.

We are blessed that when our child laughs, we are the ones to hear it. And when our child cries, we are the ones she looks for. When our child feels pain or joy or accomplishment or excitement, she shares it with us.We are so blessed to have had the chance to see life from a different angle. To see that things don't always go as you planned them out in the 5th grade- but that better things are in store. To be part of the few who feel constantly misunderstood. To be one who always has to be on guard against the rude and ignorant comment. To feel the frustration of not having the perfect comeback to that comment until three hours later. Our kids can use those experiences and lessons we have learned. We are deeper, stronger, more compassionate people because of this journey. And the world our children live in is better because we have grown in these ways.

Our child is blessed. She is patted and hugged and nestled and rocked and kissed and squeezed and taught and tickled and corrected and praised. She is told of her value in God's eyes. She is certain of her value in our eyes. And she never wonders if she will be cared for tomorrow or the next day...she sleeps comfortably each night, safe in our care.

We should tell our children we are proud. We have saved and scrimped, prayed and begged, planned and schemed, worked and worried, and hoped endlessly for them. We have dedicated years of our lives to finding them and bringing them home to their forever family. And we have given our whole hearts to them even before we ever saw that precious face.Now that is love. And parents who adopt know all about that...

Author unknown

What I've read...

2007-03-22T11:39:00.000-05:00

Here is a little something I read which was written by someone from another state that belongs to the same on-line adoption group that I do. It is written to prove a point that adoptive parents should feel as much like parents as those who actually give birth to their children. Those of us who are unable to have our own biological children still mourn the loss of that part of our lives. I am having a much easier time with it now but sometimes I still think about it. This describes the feeling of being an adoptive parent perfectly.

Anyway, here you go.

No we don't have (our wives) belly's that get bigger by the minute.
No we don't have elbows, feet and little fists pounding our (wives) insides.
No we don't have ultrasound pictures showing us our child's development by the month.
But we are Moms (Dad's).
We are Moms (Dads) when we are getting to know our child in a country where no one speaks the same language as us.
We are Moms (Dads) the second they hand us our child in a hotel conference room.
We are Moms (Dads) when we are carefully packing medication, clothing and diapers for the child we haven't met yet.
We are Moms (Dads) when we receive the phone call that we have been matched with a baby and view the first picture of our little girl.
We are Moms (Dads) when we celebrate our LID.
We are Moms (Dads) when we are excited to FINALLY receive our I-171h or I-797c in the mail.
We are Moms (Dads) when we tirelessly collect, notarize, certify and authenticate every aspect of ourselves.
We are Moms (Dads) when a Social Worker inspects our home, and spends hours asking us about our personal lives.
We are Moms (Dads) when we make the decision to adopt.
We are Moms (Dads) the first time we even have a thought about that child who will someday be ours.
We are Moms (Dads) even though most of our friends and family around us don't understand why a piece of paper or a Fed Ex package is as exciting to us as an ultrasound, or a positive pregnancy test.
We are Moms (Dads) who are madly in love with a baby we have not met.
We are Moms (Dads) who excitedly check email, Yahoo Groups and Blogs everyday to share this experience with other's around the country and world who are doing it too.
We are Moms (Dads) that cry in front of our computer screens when we hear that someone is DTC, LID, has gotten a referral, is leaving for China, or has experienced Gotcha Day!
We are Moms (Dads) to some baby out there who may be in a foster home, an orphanage, in her birth mother's belly growing, or that hasn't even been conceived yet.
WE ARE MOMS (Dads)!!!

I've been thinking...

2007-03-13T18:53:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about the long wait ahead. Here's what we are going to do to pass the time.

Installing new kitchen cabinets

Remodeling the basement and adding a bedroom downstairs where Ryan will sleep. We will also install a massive closet and a shower downstairs. The baby will stay in Ryan's old room

Fixing up the baby's room (in pink of course)

Travelling - which we all know you can't do very easily with a toddler.

A lot of reading

A lot of eating out

A lot of dates on Saturday nights

Going to movies other than those that have Disney themes

I figure there will be almost 2 years worth of time to take up while we are waiting. I have been doing a lot of reading about China and the culture. Very interesting. I have also met some new friends along the way. There are a few other couples that I have gotten to know on-line who are using the same agency and social worker we are using. We all also have log-in dates that are within 6 months of each other. I figure when we get back, our daughters will be the same age and maybe even attend the same school.

Also, since we have started this blog, if you haven't figured out by now, we are going to name her Rileigh. I thought Riley was too plain and some boys have that name also. I thought it might be a better name for a girl if we mix up the spelling a little bit. However Dwaine likes the spelling Ryleigh better. I think I agree. What do you all think? You can all vote on it.

Until later...

Kelley & Dwaine

The beginning of a long wait...

2007-03-10T16:52:00.000-06:00

This is a story of the beginning of a long journey; a journey to our daughter who has not even been born yet. Dwaine and I have been looking into adoption for quite a while now and the first of August this year, we were approved by CCAI to adopt a little girl from China. So far, our journey has consisted of a LOT of paperwork. We have had to prove ourselves as worthy parents through police background checks. We have had to pay a hefty sum of money and provide proof of our employment and income. We have had to get permission from the U.S. immigration office and the Chinese government. We have jumped through hoops and done the paperwork polka for the last 7 months.

Finally, we have been approved and provided a log-in-date. That is the official word from the Chinese government that they have received all of the necessary documents and placed us "in line" behind a vast sea of others who have been placed "in line" also. The minimum amount of time that we will be waiting will be at least 18 months but probably longer. So now we are in a holding pattern until we hear from China that it is time to go. We will travel to China to get our daughter and bring her home to us.

I look at it as being pregnant for the time it will take to have two children without the morning sickness, weight gain, swollen ankles, etc. No physical symptoms, just twice the wait.

Anyway, we will keep you posted on our journey and hopefully this will be a way for us to keep in contact while we are actually in China.

Until later...

Kelley & Dwaine